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They don't deserve us.

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libertyrocks posted 6/6/2013 12:24 PM

Anyone else think this? Or is it just me and my terrible, terrible resentment still?

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 12:24 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

Beemer posted 6/6/2013 12:29 PM

no it's not just you... I feel the same way - he absolutely doesn't deserve me...

sorry i don't have much more to add - having a rough day

Shockleader posted 6/6/2013 12:33 PM

Feel the same... Detachment has given me a lot of clarity.

Searchingforhope posted 6/6/2013 12:38 PM


I have absolutely said this to my H, because I totally feel this to be true.

I also know that I am not perfect, and I have hurt him. No, not by being unfaithful, but by being critical and impatient and treating him like a "jr. partner" in our M.

And I don't think our resentment is "terrible"..I think it's expected.

Just my random thoughts in response.


TrustGone posted 6/6/2013 12:51 PM

No. They certainly don't deserve us or a second, third, or forth chance for that matter. But it is what it is. They cheated to make themselves feel better about themselves, when it fact it really probably only made them feel worse in the long run. I refuse to be his ego stroker or someone that he uses until something he thinks is better comes along.

1Faith posted 6/6/2013 12:51 PM

Of course they don't. Who hurts the person they love so deeply? Who deserves that person to stand by and help them heal while they are healing from their infliction? Who deserves to be embraced and cared for by the person they disregarded so easily? NONE OF THEM

But we all make mistakes and forgiveness (when we are able) helps us see that regardless of all their selfishness and disgusting behavior - IF remorse is geniune and they work on the reasons they chose to hurt us in the first place - PERHAPS a second chance is possible. Knowing the marriage changes FOREVER.

Do they deserve us - NO. Should they feel damn lucky. I just won the lottery lucky...HELL YES

[This message edited by 1Faith at 12:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

Reality posted 6/6/2013 13:49 PM

There's the ending scene in the film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's An Ideal Husband where Rupert Everett is walking down the aisle with his new bride (Minnie Driver) and his father says to him,

"You don't deserve her, sir."

Lord Goring (Rupert) answers, "My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it."

My husband adores that movie. We watched it over the weekend, the first time since the DDs. I think the movie means very different things to him now. He flinched through most of the movie then gasped at that line and tried to pull me closer to him.

Heck, yes, I resent the massive injury done to our self images, lives, and relationships. I'm at the point now where when I get a compliment or him saying how much I mean to him, my first impulse is frustrated annoyance, that it all feels completely irrelevant and placating. I find myself second guessing the heck out of what agenda could have originated the remark.

Great. And what about that injury? Now I can't take anything at face value?


jackie89 posted 6/6/2013 13:57 PM

They absolutely don't deserve us.

BUT, the most important thing is that WE Deserve better!

MissLonelyHeart posted 6/6/2013 14:01 PM

Of course they don't! I am having a horrible couple of days myself and it's the anger, resentment and disgust mode I am in right now. People aren't perfect, they make mistakes, but when they make the worst, most selfish choice on the planet, how are we supposed to feel but pissed and like we deserve much better? Anyone deserves to be married to an honest, faithful person, isn't that why we get married? To share a life with someone we love that is supposed to cherish us and our vows as much? Sorry to rant, like I said, having a shitty day.

RyeBread posted 6/6/2013 14:04 PM

Is it that they don't deserve us?...or is it that we deserve better?

simplydevastated posted 6/6/2013 14:06 PM

They don't deserve us.

I'm not there yet. I feel that I'm not even on the roller coaster anymore but more on a hamster wheel, just running in circles every day.

But I do feel I deserve better. Not sure if that helps.

stunnedin12 posted 6/6/2013 14:08 PM

He doesn't deserve me and I sure as blank don't deserve him.

crazyblindsided posted 6/6/2013 15:09 PM

WH doesn't deserve me and I deserve better. I hope he can prove that to me.

twodoves posted 6/6/2013 15:16 PM

My kids deserve better.

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