Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
Please visit our sponsor

In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: Sphynx (47679)

User Topic: They don't deserve us.
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else think this? Or is it just me and my terrible, terrible resentment still?

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 12:24 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
♀ 38499
Member # 38499
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no it's not just you... I feel the same way - he absolutely doesn't deserve me...

sorry i don't have much more to add - having a rough day

BW - Me (33)
FWH - Him (34)
Married - 8years
D-Day - 06/06/12
Status - Trying...things are good :)

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013
♂ 36827
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feel the same... Detachment has given me a lot of clarity.

D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 48
Xcheater 45
One DD 20
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...

Posts: 661 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 38437
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I have absolutely said this to my H, because I totally feel this to be true.

I also know that I am not perfect, and I have hurt him. No, not by being unfaithful, but by being critical and impatient and treating him like a "jr. partner" in our M.

And I don't think our resentment is "terrible"..I think it's expected.

Just my random thoughts in response.


Me: BW 51 at the time(didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54 at the time(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs at the time

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!


Posts: 182 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. They certainly don't deserve us or a second, third, or forth chance for that matter. But it is what it is. They cheated to make themselves feel better about themselves, when it fact it really probably only made them feel worse in the long run. I refuse to be his ego stroker or someone that he uses until something he thinks is better comes along.

STBXWH#2-53 Dumbass
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
No kids together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 False R
DD#4-11/28/14 "Assault with a deadly weapon" and is now with OW
Divorce filed 1/5/15

Posts: 3622 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course they don't. Who hurts the person they love so deeply? Who deserves that person to stand by and help them heal while they are healing from their infliction? Who deserves to be embraced and cared for by the person they disregarded so easily? NONE OF THEM

But we all make mistakes and forgiveness (when we are able) helps us see that regardless of all their selfishness and disgusting behavior - IF remorse is geniune and they work on the reasons they chose to hurt us in the first place - PERHAPS a second chance is possible. Knowing the marriage changes FOREVER.

Do they deserve us - NO. Should they feel damn lucky. I just won the lottery lucky...HELL YES

[This message edited by 1Faith at 12:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1547 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 39077
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's the ending scene in the film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's An Ideal Husband where Rupert Everett is walking down the aisle with his new bride (Minnie Driver) and his father says to him,

"You don't deserve her, sir."

Lord Goring (Rupert) answers, "My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it."

My husband adores that movie. We watched it over the weekend, the first time since the DDs. I think the movie means very different things to him now. He flinched through most of the movie then gasped at that line and tried to pull me closer to him.

Heck, yes, I resent the massive injury done to our self images, lives, and relationships. I'm at the point now where when I get a compliment or him saying how much I mean to him, my first impulse is frustrated annoyance, that it all feels completely irrelevant and placating. I find myself second guessing the heck out of what agenda could have originated the remark.

Great. And what about that injury? Now I can't take anything at face value?


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 38271
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They absolutely don't deserve us.

BUT, the most important thing is that WE Deserve better!

I edit - because I hate misspellings or grammar mistakes.

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: SE PA
♀ 39460
Member # 39460
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course they don't! I am having a horrible couple of days myself and it's the anger, resentment and disgust mode I am in right now. People aren't perfect, they make mistakes, but when they make the worst, most selfish choice on the planet, how are we supposed to feel but pissed and like we deserve much better? Anyone deserves to be married to an honest, faithful person, isn't that why we get married? To share a life with someone we love that is supposed to cherish us and our vows as much? Sorry to rant, like I said, having a shitty day.

HIM~SAWS prostitutes multiple times, who knows what else?
Status~ Changes from day to day in my mind

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jun 2013
♂ 37437
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it that they don't deserve us?...or is it that we deserve better?

Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They don't deserve us.

I'm not there yet. I feel that I'm not even on the roller coaster anymore but more on a hamster wheel, just running in circles every day.

But I do feel I deserve better. Not sure if that helps.

Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5876 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
♀ 38141
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He doesn't deserve me and I sure as blank don't deserve him.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure

Posts: 587 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH doesn't deserve me and I deserve better. I hope he can prove that to me.

BS/FWS (me):41 Madhatter
WS/BS:44 Serial Cheater
Together 19 years, Married 14
DD(11) DS(8)
DDay(s) Too many to count
Final Dday 7/11/14 Same OW2

Posts: 2509 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♀ 39181
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids deserve better.

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 14

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2015 All Rights Reserved.