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Yesterday was 3 years since dday

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Myheartstillhurt posted 6/6/2013 14:50 PM

Well, it has been a long journey, but yesterday was basically just a day


Things with my husband and I are overall good. We have had to deal with no infidelity related stress in well over 6 months. By that I mean no triggers, no feelings of inadequacy, no depression from the A.. None of it. Healing has got to be at 98% most days.


Yesterday, I did a ton of reflection about OW/xBFF. For the first few years, hatred consumed me. Today, it is almost complete indifference. I do not get bursts of rage or even focus on her. If she does cross my mind, I am able to easily dismiss her.

One major help in this was that I realized harboring hatred in my heart for her does nothing to her, it only hurts me. I don't know if I am at forgiveness or not, but I realize I am the only one who loses by holding onto the anger, hatred, disdain for her, so I don't do it. She is whoever she is now and it doesn't really matter to me. My husband completely let her go on dday 3 years ago, so she is a non issue in my life today.

Beemer posted 6/6/2013 15:16 PM

Good for you :)

We have had to deal with no infidelity related stress in well over 6 months. By that I mean no triggers, no feelings of inadequacy, no depression from the A.. None of it. Healing has got to be at 98% most days.

I really hope to be there someday...

Myheartstillhurt posted 6/6/2013 15:41 PM

Oh Beemer, I see that today is yr 1 antiversary.. I know how hard this day is at 1 year. The hopeful news is that it truly gets better.

Choosing not to stay stuck in those awful feelings and emotions was hard work and took slightly over two years. So be good to yourself.

2married2quit posted 6/6/2013 15:48 PM

It's not easy and it's all on a case by case basis, but I'm hoping by the 3yr mark to not even come to this site?

1Faith posted 6/6/2013 15:54 PM

Thank you for your inspiration. I needed to hear this. I truly did.

You are so right. My hatred for the OW only prolonged my healing. No amount of anger or directed anger was ever going to undo what was done.

I can't control who she is, what she does or why she chose to be the OW.

I can focus on the here and now and say...I am moving forward for ME !!! For ME !!!

Thanks again. Words I needed to hear.

Keep moving. Sounds as if you are doing great.

Myheartstillhurt posted 6/6/2013 22:20 PM

It's not easy and it's all on a case by case basis, but I'm hoping by the 3yr mark to not even come to this site?

This site does not cross my mind many days, others it does. I guess when you spend a lot of time for any period of time, it sort of becomes a habit. Plus, I made a friend that has helped restore my idea of friendship (since OW/xBFF took part of that from me). So, had I not come to SI at all, I wouldn't have that.

And I guess if no one ever came after a certain point, then there would be no stories of real hope. So I have been very appreciative in my time here that people stuck around. I may not be nearly as active as I once was, but I am glad to offer the hope I have when I can.

Buckeye Wife posted 6/9/2013 20:26 PM

I let go of negativity toward OW long ago because I never knew her. My H....not so much...
Three years out and I still think of it most days. Lots of resentment still even though he's done everything right.
How did you let go of that anger toward him?

lordhasaplan? posted 6/9/2013 20:42 PM


So nice to see your at peace with things.

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