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libertyrocks (original poster member #38924) posted at 9:26 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
How many times have we all heard this?
Do you believe them?
Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Myheartstillhurt ( member #32430) posted at 9:44 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
Took two full years to truly believe that. But he said it within months after dday.
BS(me) 34
fWH 38 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:45 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
..yes, i've heard it on several occasions in the past 4 years..
..and i do believe her.
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
unfound ( member #12802) posted at 11:01 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
it's not how many time you hear it... it's how many times, consistently, over time*, that they show you they're not that person anymore...
that's when I started believing it.
*each persons time is different...and each persons time is exactly the right amount of time for them.
ka-mai
*************
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."
2married2quit ( member #36555) posted at 11:12 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
When she drinks I see hints of that person again. I hate it.
BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 ( she's a childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
She had 2 affairs with two different men.
Status: divorced.
SuperDuperWonderboy ( member #34716) posted at 11:17 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
I have heard it. But more importantly, I am seeing it. Even more importantly--she doesn't expect me to just believe it, instead she is proving it to me.
My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.
notquiteoverit ( member #32919) posted at 11:17 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
Mine also said it within months of dday. He has done everything right in the almost 2 1/2 years since dday. I would like to believe that he is "not that person" but I have promised myself that I will never be that gullible again.
Me - BS 50
Him - WS 49
SOW - 52 destitute loser
D-day 1/28/11
MoreWould ( member #37982) posted at 11:17 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
I wish FWW had said that, and then backed it up with consistent actions.
As it was, I just had to get comfortable with being married to the person she was all along, only difference being I Found Out.
Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20
wincing_at_light ( member #14393) posted at 11:40 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
Would you take out a mortgage with a banker who was convicted of fraud six months ago because he said, "I'm not that person anymore?"
So, why do people treat their hearts as less valuable than something as banal as money?
You can't beat the Axis if you get VD
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 11:41 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013
Almost....but different...
"I am working really hard to never to be that person again"
Yes I believe her
[This message edited by Chicho at 5:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 1:48 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
..@ wal..
..i haven't been living and sleeping with my banker for 46 years, so maybe that's a factor. 
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 2:41 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
WH doesn't say that. He has said, I don't want to be that person.
I absolutely believe him. He isn't that person, his actions show me this daily.
If he did not do as he claimed and change for the better I would have left him by now.
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 3:41 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
We say that to each other. More importantly , I say that to myself. It feels good because i know it's true...,
catlover50 ( member #37154) posted at 3:42 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
I have heard this and I believe it, which is why I'm still here.
Dday -9/23/2012
Reconciled
TXBW68 ( member #36456) posted at 3:49 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
Yes, I've heard it. I've witnessed his tears as he said it over and over again on DDay 2. But more importantly, I see the changes every single day.
Yes, I believe him.
Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now
avicarswife ( member #35799) posted at 9:27 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
He says "I'm not that man anymore" many times. The problem is he was saying during the period he was trickling out the full information.
In many ways I can see the changes. He is affectionate, takes an interest in me and even my job (sometimes), does stuff around the house, comforts me when I get upset etc. BUT there is always a BUT for me now.
I don't even know when he became 'that man' anyway - he wasn't 'that man' when we married.
Sometimes I wonder if the affair changed him or he changed and had an affair.
On D-day:BS 46 (me)WH 50
Toasted22M 26 yrs,3 kids (16-24) at discovery. D-Days 2012 23-24 May + TT D-Day 2013 12 Apr
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 mths 2010
mOW#3 PA once
2022 Separated
Dance4Me ( member #26284) posted at 1:56 PM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
My H has said those exact words many times also - it will be four years in October.
But guess what - I am not that person pre-dday either - somedays it s good thing...other days - not so good!
We are all a work in progress on both sides of the infidelity spectrum.
[This message edited by Dance4Me at 7:56 AM, June 7th (Friday)]
On Dday -BS-me 41 FWS-him 42
On Dday - Married 19 years 3 kids (16,13,9)
D-Day 10/2/09- TT til Feb. 2010
New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the most tender thing known on earth - Thomas Hardy
wincing_at_light ( member #14393) posted at 3:41 PM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
.i haven't been living and sleeping with my banker for 46 years, so maybe that's a factor.
Wait...so how the hell do you get decent interest rates, then? 
You can't beat the Axis if you get VD
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 5:17 PM on Friday, June 7th, 2013
Mine told me one day, "it's like I am a whole different person!"
I said, "good, because the old one pretty much sucked and I don't want him back. " 
In all seriousness, he really has totally changed and most epeople who know us see it.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
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