SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

libertyrocks posted 6/6/2013 15:26 PM

How many times have we all heard this?

Do you believe them?

Rebreather posted 6/6/2013 15:27 PM

Not for several years.

Myheartstillhurt posted 6/6/2013 15:44 PM

Took two full years to truly believe that. But he said it within months after dday.

somanyyears posted 6/6/2013 16:45 PM

..yes, i've heard it on several occasions in the past 4 years..

..and i do believe her.

smy

unfound posted 6/6/2013 17:01 PM

it's not how many time you hear it... it's how many times, consistently, over time*, that they show you they're not that person anymore...

that's when I started believing it.

*each persons time is different...and each persons time is exactly the right amount of time for them.

2married2quit posted 6/6/2013 17:12 PM

When she drinks I see hints of that person again. I hate it.

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 6/6/2013 17:17 PM

I have heard it. But more importantly, I am seeing it. Even more importantly--she doesn't expect me to just believe it, instead she is proving it to me.

notquiteoverit posted 6/6/2013 17:17 PM

Mine also said it within months of dday. He has done everything right in the almost 2 1/2 years since dday. I would like to believe that he is "not that person" but I have promised myself that I will never be that gullible again.

MoreWould posted 6/6/2013 17:17 PM

I wish FWW had said that, and then backed it up with consistent actions.

As it was, I just had to get comfortable with being married to the person she was all along, only difference being I Found Out.

wincing_at_light posted 6/6/2013 17:40 PM

Would you take out a mortgage with a banker who was convicted of fraud six months ago because he said, "I'm not that person anymore?"

So, why do people treat their hearts as less valuable than something as banal as money?

AFrayedKnot posted 6/6/2013 17:41 PM

Almost....but different...
"I am working really hard to never to be that person again"

Yes I believe her

[This message edited by Chicho at 5:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

somanyyears posted 6/6/2013 19:48 PM

..@ wal..

..i haven't been living and sleeping with my banker for 46 years, so maybe that's a factor.

smy

RidingHealingRd posted 6/6/2013 20:41 PM

WH doesn't say that. He has said, I don't want to be that person.

I absolutely believe him. He isn't that person, his actions show me this daily.

If he did not do as he claimed and change for the better I would have left him by now.

rachelc posted 6/6/2013 21:41 PM

We say that to each other. More importantly , I say that to myself. It feels good because i know it's true...,

catlover50 posted 6/6/2013 21:42 PM

I have heard this and I believe it, which is why I'm still here.

TXBW68 posted 6/6/2013 21:49 PM

Yes, I've heard it. I've witnessed his tears as he said it over and over again on DDay 2. But more importantly, I see the changes every single day.

Yes, I believe him.

avicarswife posted 6/7/2013 03:27 AM

He says "I'm not that man anymore" many times. The problem is he was saying during the period he was trickling out the full information.

In many ways I can see the changes. He is affectionate, takes an interest in me and even my job (sometimes), does stuff around the house, comforts me when I get upset etc. BUT there is always a BUT for me now.

I don't even know when he became 'that man' anyway - he wasn't 'that man' when we married.

Sometimes I wonder if the affair changed him or he changed and had an affair.

Dance4Me posted 6/7/2013 07:56 AM

My H has said those exact words many times also - it will be four years in October.

But guess what - I am not that person pre-dday either - somedays it s good thing...other days - not so good!

We are all a work in progress on both sides of the infidelity spectrum.

[This message edited by Dance4Me at 7:56 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

wincing_at_light posted 6/7/2013 09:41 AM

.i haven't been living and sleeping with my banker for 46 years, so maybe that's a factor.

Wait...so how the hell do you get decent interest rates, then?

HFSSC posted 6/7/2013 11:17 AM

Mine told me one day, "it's like I am a whole different person!"

I said, "good, because the old one pretty much sucked and I don't want him back. "

In all seriousness, he really has totally changed and most epeople who know us see it.