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Newest Member: wileyconfused (46027)

User Topic: "I'm not that person anymore."
libertyrocks
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many times have we all heard this?

Do you believe them?


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not for several years.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6693 | Registered: Jan 2011
Myheartstillhurt
♀ 32430
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Took two full years to truly believe that. But he said it within months after dday.


BS(me) 34
fWH 38 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2018 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
somanyyears
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..yes, i've heard it on several occasions in the past 4 years..

..and i do believe her.

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
unfound
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's not how many time you hear it... it's how many times, consistently, over time*, that they show you they're not that person anymore...

that's when I started believing it.

*each persons time is different...and each persons time is exactly the right amount of time for them.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14877 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
2married2quit
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When she drinks I see hints of that person again. I hate it.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1446 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ 34716
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard it. But more importantly, I am seeing it. Even more importantly--she doesn't expect me to just believe it, instead she is proving it to me.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1309 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
notquiteoverit
♀ 32919
Member # 32919
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine also said it within months of dday. He has done everything right in the almost 2 1/2 years since dday. I would like to believe that he is "not that person" but I have promised myself that I will never be that gullible again.


Me - BS 50
Him - WS 49
SOW - 52 destitute loser
D-day 1/28/11

Posts: 588 | Registered: Jul 2011
MoreWould
♂ 37982
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish FWW had said that, and then backed it up with consistent actions.

As it was, I just had to get comfortable with being married to the person she was all along, only difference being I Found Out.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
wincing_at_light
♂ 14393
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would you take out a mortgage with a banker who was convicted of fraud six months ago because he said, "I'm not that person anymore?"

So, why do people treat their hearts as less valuable than something as banal as money?


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6750 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost....but different...
"I am working really hard to never to be that person again"

Yes I believe her

[This message edited by Chicho at 5:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2692 | Registered: Aug 2012
somanyyears
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..@ wal..

..i haven't been living and sleeping with my banker for 46 years, so maybe that's a factor.

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
RidingHealingRd
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH doesn't say that. He has said, I don't want to be that person.

I absolutely believe him. He isn't that person, his actions show me this daily.

If he did not do as he claimed and change for the better I would have left him by now.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Nov 2011
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We say that to each other. More importantly , I say that to myself. It feels good because i know it's true...,


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5759 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard this and I believe it, which is why I'm still here.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1845 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
TXBW68
♀ 36456
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I've heard it. I've witnessed his tears as he said it over and over again on DDay 2. But more importantly, I see the changes every single day.

Yes, I believe him.


Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
avicarswife
♀ 35799
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says "I'm not that man anymore" many times. The problem is he was saying during the period he was trickling out the full information.

In many ways I can see the changes. He is affectionate, takes an interest in me and even my job (sometimes), does stuff around the house, comforts me when I get upset etc. BUT there is always a BUT for me now.

I don't even know when he became 'that man' anyway - he wasn't 'that man' when we married.

Sometimes I wonder if the affair changed him or he changed and had an affair.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
Dance4Me
♀ 26284
Member # 26284
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H has said those exact words many times also - it will be four years in October.

But guess what - I am not that person pre-dday either - somedays it s good thing...other days - not so good!

We are all a work in progress on both sides of the infidelity spectrum.

[This message edited by Dance4Me at 7:56 AM, June 7th (Friday)]


On Dday -BS-me 41 FWS-him 42
Married 19 years 3 kids (16,13,9)
D-Day 10/2/09- TT til Feb. 2010

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” -CS Lewis


Posts: 1043 | Registered: Nov 2009
wincing_at_light
♂ 14393
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

.i haven't been living and sleeping with my banker for 46 years, so maybe that's a factor.

Wait...so how the hell do you get decent interest rates, then?


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6750 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
HFSSC
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine told me one day, "it's like I am a whole different person!"

I said, "good, because the old one pretty much sucked and I don't want him back. "

In all seriousness, he really has totally changed and most epeople who know us see it.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 18 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2936 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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