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is there ever a time when..........

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dontknowanymore1 posted 6/6/2013 15:39 PM

Hi, had a very up down day today.
do you think there is ever a time when every time I look at my ws, I wont see her. when I see him get a text, I wont think of her, even the living room is a trigger (on the floor!!), has anyone got past the things that you cannot change?

I've tried to get rid of most things, clothes, cups, glasses, new bed, new phone, other random stuff, but id just like to know that maybe one day I could look at him and see just the man I love and not the man who hurt me?

hope all this rambling makes sense.

edit: and can you ever truly regain trust?

[This message edited by dontknowanymore1 at 3:40 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

sarahm49 posted 6/6/2013 16:18 PM

I hear you.

I had my H sell the van because he used it to have sex with her. I threw out all the clothes he bought during that time and threw out every pair of underwear he had. I smashed the shit out of his iphone with a hammer and it's a damn good thing she was not in my house because we would be moving.

I am at 7 months out and still get a pit in my gut everytime he texts or emails someone on his phone.

At times I can see my loving husband because he is so remorseful but I really cannot wait for the day that I don't think of the A.

They say time will help but it just can't get here fast enough.

Take care of yourself.

doesitgetbetter posted 6/6/2013 16:32 PM

It takes a long time, and lots of hard work on the WS's part, but yes, it's possible.

I look at my H today and I don't see a guy who cheated on me anymore. I don't see another woman touching his body. I don't think of him seeking out others for sexual pleasure. But it's been over 5.5 years for me since DDay as well.

I don't blindly trust him like I did from the day we met. That will never return. But I do trust him and believe what he is saying most of the time. I am content verifying the things that sound off to me, and I'm glad when they are verified to show he is being truthful yet again.

It's a special kind of hell we BS's go through, but it will get better eventually.

2married2quit posted 6/6/2013 16:32 PM

It takes time and a remorseful spouse. You have to also make an effort to help your thought process. A. suffer more B. move on.

I understand you completely. There was times where anything and everything would have me collapse on the floor in tears.

Skan posted 6/6/2013 16:46 PM

That day can come. It has for me. I don't see "others" when I look at my FWH any more. I have occasional triggers, but they are far less intense and far apart. Him being on the computer at night when I'm not there doesn't trigger me anymore, although I do check up on the history from time to time. With a spouse that is truly remorseful and who does the hard work of digging to the bottom of their issues, it can be done. I would not have believed it, less than a month after DDay. I was convenced that I was going to live in the hell that he had created for the rest of my life. But little by little, it gets better and better IF your spouse is truly committed to doing whatever is needed, to help YOU get better.

AFrayedKnot posted 6/6/2013 17:21 PM

Oh, the living room floor. I did not step foot in the living room for months. I would lay in the next room and watch my DS3 play through the door.

I can go in there now. I only think about what happened there about 1 out of 5 times. Its getting better. I hope one day it will not even cross my mind.

dontknowanymore1 posted 6/6/2013 17:37 PM

im struggling a lot with the living room, its a small place, and I have to go through it to get to the kitchen, but I have scrubbed the couch ( idk if they did there or not but it will be replaced when I can afford it)
and the way the living room is arranged (and thanks to hair that the skank left on my floor) I pretty much know where it happened so I avoid this "piece" of floor.

I almost laughed at my self the other day as, to get from the kitchen to the back door, its easiest to go over this section, but to take the bin out, I went from the kitchen all around the living room, stepped over the coffee table and side walked against the wall! it sounds so silly even to me, but I just cannot stand there yet.

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