I've tried to get rid of most things, clothes, cups, glasses, new bed, new phone, other random stuff, but id just like to know that maybe one day I could look at him and see just the man I love and not the man who hurt me?
hope all this rambling makes sense.
edit: and can you ever truly regain trust?
[This message edited by dontknowanymore1 at 3:40 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]
How can you love what you cant trust?
I had my H sell the van because he used it to have sex with her. I threw out all the clothes he bought during that time and threw out every pair of underwear he had. I smashed the shit out of his iphone with a hammer and it's a damn good thing she was not in my house because we would be moving.
I am at 7 months out and still get a pit in my gut everytime he texts or emails someone on his phone.
At times I can see my loving husband because he is so remorseful but I really cannot wait for the day that I don't think of the A.
They say time will help but it just can't get here fast enough.
Take care of yourself.
I look at my H today and I don't see a guy who cheated on me anymore. I don't see another woman touching his body. I don't think of him seeking out others for sexual pleasure. But it's been over 5.5 years for me since DDay as well.
I don't blindly trust him like I did from the day we met. That will never return. But I do trust him and believe what he is saying most of the time. I am content verifying the things that sound off to me, and I'm glad when they are verified to show he is being truthful yet again.
It's a special kind of hell we BS's go through, but it will get better eventually.
I understand you completely. There was times where anything and everything would have me collapse on the floor in tears.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I can go in there now. I only think about what happened there about 1 out of 5 times. Its getting better. I hope one day it will not even cross my mind.
I almost laughed at my self the other day as, to get from the kitchen to the back door, its easiest to go over this section, but to take the bin out, I went from the kitchen all around the living room, stepped over the coffee table and side walked against the wall! it sounds so silly even to me, but I just cannot stand there yet.