((Without12)) so sorry you are here and so in need of something so BASIC and what we all deserve in our relationships - the truth
- even when it hurts.
We learn about the importance of truth telling at an early age and then goodness know what happens to some of us.
Please do some reading as OnceLifetime suggested. There are some excellent articles in the Healing Library that will help you and him along the way. After the Affair is also a great book for BOTH parties.
It bothers me to no end that you are still trying to get at the truth 10m in! That said, I would then demand a timeline. Give him 48 hours to produce that or else he is out of there. I know that is scary but your H needs to know you are dead straight at this point.
Once you get the timeline, then you start asking questions. You ask until you have nothing left.
How long does the hurt last? It hurts a lot and for a long time. I am only at 6months and I hurt everyday. And I would imagine it hurts you that much more bc you were told one thing and yet, he was still doing the other AND he is not behaving with remorse.
Will a WS repent? That is everyone's hope! I can only give you my experience and thank goodness mine owned this from the time he walked in the door when I found out.
Having said that, we are at 6 months from D-day today and he is really doing so much more introspection then he was 2-3 months ago. But at least he said sorry and he acted sorry from the get-go.
I think you need the truth NOW.
In terms of "is 10 months too soon to repent?" No. He should have been on that long ago. Is it too soon for his fog to have cleared - Yes. That clears when he starts owning his actions.
Don't even think about forgiveness yet. Too much at this point. The work has to come from him in order for you to get to this place. My H is doing everything right and I am only now climbing my way to the acceptance stage.
Again, I refer you to After the Affair - she does a whole section on this and its very good.
I wish you well.