Thanks for having my back as always SI tribe! You all know how very much I appreciate it. Had to get out this eve and actually went to West Coast Swing dance lesson with my GF, then back to her house for some "whoa is me" medicine (if you get my drift)
Anyway, back now and a little calmer but still amazed at what a POS stbx still is and obviously always will be. The lies she told were so f*cked up that I actually started to trigger because they reminded me so much of her TT after d-day.
One lie that was especially rich was when her L asked her how many steps we have in my home and how long after my surgeries it took me to be able to navigate them without any problems. I could so tell that her and L had rehearsed this little give and take because when stbx answered she immediately popped off with the number of sets of stairs along with an exact count of the individual steps for each. What a load of horse sh!t! She couldn't even do this in her alcohol addled brain when she lived here for 22 years lol. The rest of her answer was what really hurt though. She stated that I was more or less dancing up and down the stairs with-in 2 months of my two back to back surgeries... the last of which was a total hip replacement. I used a walker for 3 months and slept in an elevated recliner for almost a year due to complications from my THR! Unbelievably heartless and almost as bad as when she took off on road trips to f*ck OM while I was recovering from both surgeries. There were so many other lies it would take days to recount them all to you.
The worst part of all this though is my DS who just turned 23 and has moved out to his own apartment with his fiance and her 3 y/o daughter. He called me last night for an update of what happened. I honestly tried my best to temper the story to him as I do not ever want him to think any of this is about him, and also so his relationship with his mother isn't affected by anything I say to him about this mess. He's a smart kid though and could read right through my hesitancy. He cut to the chase and asked me what his mother's L asked for in support. I couldn't lie to him and said $1,100. He went silent for about 10 seconds and then told me what I dreaded, and knew all to well was coming... "Dad, that's the last straw! She's now dead to me. I officially do not have a mother anymore". I started to cry and begged him to reconsider... unfortunately to no avail. I truly hate what this has done to him and his new family.
I've really been working hard in IC and within my new found spirituality lately on focusing only on the present moment and not letting the mind chatter of the past or future rule my life. It's one of the reasons I was able to so effectively detach from stbx and the last 38 years. While I didn't have even an once of love left for her, I really didn't wish her any ill will and in fact always expressed a heart felt hope she would find a way to fix what was wrong with her life and her self in general. Now, I just don't give a flying f*ck! Hate is such a useless emotion but I just can't help feeling it for her in spades. Not to steal my son's words but she is dead to me. I want nothing what so ever to do with her and realize that even being near her allows for a chance for me to be infected again by her toxicity. I love my new life and I'm growing everyday in one way or another. I can't and won't allow her to derail that in any way. The hard part of all this is going to be my DD and my grand kids. DD and stbx are still close and she is at every function involving the Gkids. I need some kind of plan to be able to explain to DD that I can not be in the same house with her mother. That will be a major work in progress as I move forward from here.
Sorry to write a book again but as always, it's good to be able to puke this out to others who get it. Thanks for listening and for all the support since Nov of 2011!
[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 1:08 AM, June 7th (Friday)]