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Folks..looking at taking another and final stab @ mediation. I have a million things running through my mind. After all this destruction STBX has caused and the pitiful CS and SS he will pay...seriously there will be nothing left so the kids can be kids and do extra curricular activities. Nothing lefT! Do any of you have in your agreement that you will split Extracurricular activties and sports?? Thank you wonderful SI folks.

-FLY

Yes. Extracurricular out of pocket expenses (in my case some of these are therapeutic and covered by state funding) are 50/50 between waffle and I per the parenting plan.

NO activities of any kind, none, are built into the CS I'm going to get. Any activities will be out of my pocket. Any extra school expenses, anything extra of any kind for anything, is out of my pocket. CS is going to cover only the bare minimum to feed the kids.

We worked out our own arrangement where he gives me X amount per week and that doesn't cover field trips, football, camp, cheer, ccd, etc. Anything extra is split between us. We didn't go through the courts though, we worked out our own separation agreement.

Edited for typos

[This message edited by Zamas at 5:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

I'm heading to mediation for the second time next week. My understanding of the "standard" rules here in Florida are that the costs of extracurriculars are to be shared 50/50 by the parents and are not included in child support. They activites also have to be agreed to by both parents..

Medical co-pays, counseling, medications, glasses, etc., are also to be split 50/50 and not included in child support..

I'm sure you can always come up with your own rules if you want, but my attorney has said the above is what will apply to me.. Unless it will benefit me, I'm going to insist on whatever is "standard."

Good luck..

Anything extra is split 50/50. Including school supplies. EX tried to argue against it saying it was part of CS, but the mediator quickly corrected him.

I also make sure he buys certain clothing items even though he only has them 4 days a month. He purchases all shoes and all pajamas, and pays for haircuts. I pay for everything else.

Is it 50/50 even if there is a large income disparity between the parents?

numbandnauseous, it doesn't have to be. I figured out the percentages. If together we make 100,000 (just for ease) and I make 40,000, I had it put in he would pay 60% of extracurr, and I would pay 40%. It's what you make it.

Things like haircuts and supplies and clothes are what really annoys me about not being in child support, cause he NEVER pays for that stuff. All those months he was only having them a couple overnights a month, I was solely paying for their school lunches as well. But too sad so sad for me that it's all part of child support

In my divorce decree it is assumed that all extras are included in the cost of cs. I tried to get him to split it by our respective percentages outside of cs arguing how expensive it can get - he said no. (I offered to show receipts so he could see the costs too). Then by 50/50 - he said no. He said he'd, "pay when and what he felt like." Great dad she's got. Like it's hurting me.

[This message edited by Fooled Me Twice at 7:55 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

THanks folks. Yeah, the extra curric. is going to kill me! I signed my son up for Tae Kwan Do and didn't really understand the fees...My heart breaks because he loves it so...and we simply just can't afford it unless DB splits it. I'm on the fence with cutting the cable TV too and trying to wiggle whatever else I can to make ends meet. Why? because DB decided he wanted to go to court. Naturally, the devastation of legal fees is crippling. The thing is..he did all of this for the "kids" and now the kids have to pay the price. Sigh. Thanks for sharing.

I have kids who would be awesome at sports. Can't do it 'cuz I don't have the money. They need new bikes. Can't afford them. Would do great at summer camps. Can't afford it. Would love to get them home art projects for the summer. Can't afford it. Music lessons? Sorry. At this rate I won't even be able to afford to send them to VBS. Since we've been depending on the free breakfast & lunch program at school, I'm now panicking at the thought of having to pay for their food over the summer.

Please keep in mind he makes 90K a year and I am a middle-aged SAHM trying to re-enter the job market. Yeah, there's an income disparity, I'd say. And he laughs all the way to the bank about it.

Childcare, unreimbursed medical including the orthodontist, and extracurricular activities are supposed to be split in our state between the parents pro rata to the respective incomes.

In our papers XH is to pay up to $400/school year (total for both kids) for any sports. However, he has to agree to it so all he has to say is nope and then it'd still be all on me.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 11:29 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

Yes, we are to split all extra-curriculars. He is supposed to agree but I have final say. I could totally go over his head if I wanted but I don't. He has been pretty good about saying yes to stuff.

[This message edited by vcr1995 at 6:20 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

Naturegirl, check and see if free lunch is continued at some of the schools for the summer. In Florida there is a list of schools that still supply lunch so that kids don't go hungry in the summer

VCR, there are a few schools in the district who will continue to offer food over the summer. They are not close by, though, which makes it extrmely inconvenient. I'm having to weigh the cost of gas, the hassle of getting there & back, versus the cost of food. But you're right to mention it, because there may be someone else here who is having the same "how do I feed the kids now?" panic as me and it may be that the school just down the street from them has this program.

We are 50/50 with extra curriculars. I tell him how much and he pays. It is not part of the CS but my lawyer told me I am entitled to it.

As my attorney put it, you do these things for your kids becuase you love them, not because some judge orders it.

Per our temporary order, we share joint custody. 50/50 physical and legal. And for the last month, i have had DS16 full time becuase he refuses to go to his mom's.

Per the temporary order, I pay for the following:

I pay just over $1100/month CS/SS for three kids. (Oldest is 18 and legally does not need to be included, but it’s not like he ceased to exist at 18, so he’s included in the CS formula.)

her cell phone

her car insurance

her car payment

health insurance premiums and all medical and dental expenses not covered by insurance (including counseling for the kids and her as well)

orthodontics for DS16

All tuition expenses, school lunches, and school supplies

Piano lessons for DS11

After school care for DS11

Her attorney’s fee

Not included, but I pay (or paid) anyway:

School pictures

All sports expenses including $325 for DS16 summer baseball, and uniform on top of that.

DS18’s lifeguard certificate

Insurance for kids’ vehicles

Kids’ cell phones

Our 2012 income tax bill ($1100)

All haircuts and most of the clothes (she’s bought a few birthday gifts on her own)

DS18’s college testing and enrollment

My STBXWW has a full time job as a public school teacher. Any time the kids ask her for money, she tells them she has none and to ask me. I don’t feel guilty about only paying the minimum in CS because I pay for everything else, which, I’m sure will include most if not all college expense.

Also, it's just easier to pay for the extracurriculars myself than have to listen to a sob story about how she's broke, or give her an avenue to lash out at me because she's not liking where she's landing.