SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

TruthSimply posted 6/6/2013 17:10 PM

Ok so here is a brief history of my problems I created. I have been with my wife since 2002 in high school. I joined the Army an dwhile at one of the training centers I cheated on my wife who was at the time my fiancee. the girl got prenant and I covered it up with my wife for 6 years. It came out 2008 not at my own will which makes it even worse. We have struggled with that ever since and I know how bad that hurts. When I finally met my oldest daughter last year it was the first time for my family and I. This was hard on all of us and I felt like it was over. My wife and I had a fight one night and she told me to leave and come back when I love my family and want to be there. At the time I was upset and wanted to "prove" something. I really f'ed this up though because i fell to evil talking with this other woman. At the time i feel she was there for me when in fact my wife was trying to be there for me. Once again my wife found out through a source other than me and this time she left. Nothing happened with the 2nd other than talking inappropriately to each other. So that is a very brief outline of all of the problems I have created.

I am very fortunate that my wife is still wanting to work this out, but has told me to figure it out. She has asked me to read two books, which I have struggled through and go to counseling. I went to counseling for a while and was always wandering when it was going to be my wife and I in there and not just me. I didnt understand that I needed to change myself. I understand now and have made changes for the better.

I am really remorseful for what I have done and want my family back.

urrently not doing counseling, but plan to start back asap. I am going to make this a goal to myself to finish the first book by the beginning of next week.

The second book she is going to get it for me on kindle.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to get through this. Please help. All opinions are welcome.

BaxtersBFF posted 6/6/2013 18:53 PM

Welcome to SI,

So it sounds like your BW is still talking and is willing to even help you out by getting this second book. That's something to be grateful for.

You joined SI a couple months ago. Have you done much reading here in that time? The Healing Library is a great resource. You should check that out.

What's the situation with the other child (OC)? What. Does your BW want you to do with your DD?

UnexpectedSong posted 6/6/2013 20:34 PM

while at one of the training centers I cheated on my wife who was at the time my fiancee.

Were you away from your fiancée at that time? Why did you start hanging out with the Other Woman?

I really f'ed this up though because i fell to evil talking with this other woman.

Who was this woman? How much did you talk to her?

TruthSimply posted 6/7/2013 21:50 PM

BaxtersBff: Honestly I havent been on here like i should have been. The shock of her leaving and limited internet access since I havent had a computer was also an issue. My situation with my first child is that I have only seen her twice in her 7 year life and the mom is a compulsive liar that says she is willing but acts the complete ooposite. Even when I would try and call to talk to my daughter everything she said was dictated by her mother which I could here her in the back ground. I dont really know what is going to happen with that situation. What is DD?

UnexpectedSong: I was away from my fiancee in a physical manner, but we were still engaged. I had never been with anyone else other than my wife and when the other girl started talking to me I guess it made me feel good and I was young and dumb. 18yo at the time.

The second woman was a worker that was working on a crew at one of the jobs I was supervising. At first we didnt really talk and I had put her in charge of the supplies so she was out at the trailer. This was were my technicians and I would stay and go in and out to check on things as needed. Well needless to say we all talked to each other including her. her daughter was in Mexico and she needed help getting her back into the states. I helped her and she said thank you and started acting different towards me. At the time my wife and I were having some major problems, because my first daughter had just came to visit for the first time. The other woman made me feel better since I felt so shitty about everything else. We talked everyday and I even wrote her a letter that was going to take it a step further, but I knew what I was doing was wrong so I didnt give it to her. I did however didnt call it off like I should have and came clean to my wife. I was going to end it just didnt know how. I do know now not to put myself in any situation like this again. I have no desire to be with any other woman. I also had a bad addiction to pornography which I do not watch anymore. Im just all fucked up.

TruthSimply posted 6/9/2013 21:56 PM

So the second book came in the mail, but I thought it was junk mail do to the package. I have began reading It and it has some good information. I really need help on how to control my anger and name calling. Does anyone have any suggestions. I know it is a downfall of mine and I want to fix it.