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LA44 posted 6/6/2013 20:51 PM

Hi all,

Well, today is 6 months from D-Day. Actually, as I type this, it is almost at the exact hour. I just posted a 48 hours to present post in the JFO forum. I am hoping those newbies reading it will see that healing is not linear. So many times we went one step up and two steps back as the Boss, Bruce Springsteen sings. about 10 steps back.

But I/we have come a long way since that traumatic day back in December. From a time when I couldn't go ONE MINUTE without thinking about the A, I can now look at my H and see that we have great possibility.

We talk so much. We touch. We are more caring towards one another. Our boys say we are "in love". We are exploring ourselves in IC. We have put MC on hold at the moment. I just felt as if we were putting the cart before the horse. Gosh I hate cliches but there you go. One of the more popular ones!

I am starting to climb the hill to Acceptance. Prior to month 5, I was simply circling around the bottom of it. I am not sure when I will get to Forgiveness. I hear its a BIG, BIG trek - straight up! It will come. I know I am capable of it.

I don't know how people R w/o a remorseful spouse. I
can't even imagine being together right now if his actions did not back up his words. A teacher friend said to me one day, "when I really want to know what is going on in the classroom I just turn the volume down." And that is what I did with him. I just watched. He is really owning this. He hugged me tonight and repeated what he has already said so many times, I am so sorry, LA. I love you.

[This message edited by LA44 at 8:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

karmahappens posted 6/6/2013 22:18 PM

I don't know how people R w/o a remorseful spouse

Sadly LA, they really can't. They can remain married, sure, but R, no, it takes 2.

I am cheering you on girl, much continued success.


LA44 posted 6/7/2013 08:09 AM

Good point, Karma.

And thank you for your comment. I appreciate your support!


RoadtoPeace posted 6/7/2013 13:02 PM


Thanks for sharing your update with us. Beautifully stated. I am tentatively moving towards R and would not have even considered it if my H wasn't fighting like mad to R.

Wishing you and H all the best.

devasted30 posted 6/8/2013 06:44 AM

Wow, I sure am glad I logged on today. Sometimes I feel that I'm the only one going thru this and I'll never feel normal again. I so wish I could talk to someone who has been through it and is happy (somewhat) again. I want to be happy again. I love my husband and he is very sorry about what he did and extremely remorseful. In fact, sometimes, I even feel sorry for him because I know that he has lost his self-esteem etc. The pain in my chest is unbearable most days, but I keep trying to get through it. I will never give my husband forgiveness for this because it is unforgivable. But, we will stayed married because WE DO love each other and we will forge ahead and make a new normal for ourselves. Can we be happy if forgiveness is not given? I don't know. I always said that if my husband cheated on me, I'd leave. Well, I'm still here - what does that say? If I forgive him, it mean's I'm okaying the A and I never will. He has accepted this. In fact, he agrees with me. Possibly I will change my mind but right now I'm concentrating on keeping my marriage together and trying to find happiness again.
Thanks for writing and letting me know that it does get easier and that the pain does lessen. Everyone tells me that, but no one I know has gone through this so "how would they really know"???

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