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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: does a persons belief system
notsosureanymore
♂ 18051
Member # 18051
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

define them,
I think it does.
I realize the mods here don't want us to discuss religion.
So I won't put a label on what exactly it is.

That being said it REALLY does define a person.
Her mother raised her in the organization that thinks all other faiths are wrong and that they are the only true religion.
Does that create narcissism.
I think so.
narcissistic teaching. don't you?

She just came over here and walked right in the back door. The two younger kids jumped up and ran to her.

She had to pick up her basket of nail polish and other stuff. No problem.
I didn't know what to say to her.
The whole belief system popped into my head just seeing her.
I was never too religious never wanted to be. It all seemed far fetched, any how i was raised up nondenominational. But somehow i thought it didn't matter. Now I wonder if I should have tried harder to get her to go to a church.
The one or two times we did go due to my mothers wishes she sat there rolling her eyes, smirking, etc making fun of it.
On the occasion I went with her and her mother to their annual "memorial" meeting they were afraid of me Knowing full well i might make a scene. I was only respectful.
Maybe thats another way i didn't have a spine. Idk. I should have spoke my mind.

[This message edited by notsosureanymore at 12:10 AM, June 7th (Friday)]


Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2008
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neither my ex nor I were religious. I was faithful, she cheated. I was raised in an extremely strict, religious home. My mom cheated on my dad with the pastor of our church and married him. Their so-called beliefs didn't make them behave like decent human beings. My Dad also claims to be religious. He also cheated, married the OW and goes to church every other week to keep up appearances. That's all it ever was for him.

The threat of coal in my stocking didn't keep me from peeking in my parents' closet looking for unwrapped presents when I was a kid and the threat of damnation doesn't scare me one bit now for the same reason. If, by chance, I'm wrong, I've spent my whole life in Arizona and am pretty used to the heat. I choose to live my life in a way that is kind and respectful of other people not because I'm afraid of the consequences if I don't but because I want to. Faith has nothing to do with it.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:15 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1802 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
IAmPsycho
♀ 39337
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know the answer really. But my WH cheated less than a month after being baptized with my best friend who also attended our church.

For me, I think my faith helps keep me a faithful person, and going in the right direction, but obviously that doesn't work for everyone.

I have to say that the pastor calling the OW shortly after DDAY to tell her to stay away from our family was pretty sweet!


BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My belief system has been critical in my faithfulness.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
keptmyword
♂ 35526
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.

My STBXWW always claimed to be devout to her "faith" but was as unfaithful and adulterous as can possibly be and became more comfortable with lies, deception, and deceit than anyone I've ever known.

She did exactly what I knew she would do. After the affair started having consequences she then became all devout, church-going, and claimed to have been given divine forgiveness for betraying her husband, destroying her marriage, destroying her family, and sending her children into the world of divorce and broken homes.

If the only thing stopping one from being a horrible person is their "faith" then they are already a horrible person.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 363 | Registered: May 2012
Uneek
♀ 38416
Member # 38416
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H was raised similarly to your W. His family is very black and white.

He has declared himself atheist. I am unsure which came first, the A or the atheism. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised to find out the A did. It would make sense given all the guilt and shame he's feeling.

But can a religion make a person narcissistic? Perhaps, but I'd say it's the exception and not the rule.


Posts: 114 | Registered: Feb 2013
avicarswife
♀ 35799
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think most people think their faith is the "right" faith in comparison to others.

I mean why would you stick with a faith that you thought was second rate to another? Surely if you thought another was better you would change to it. Besides usually you understand more about it than any other.

Even as far as denominations within in faiths (like Christians have baptist, church of England, methodists and a raft of others)people tend to go to the one that has the charactersistics and doctrine that they see as 'correct' and suits them best.

I was raised in a Christian denomination that definitely purported to be better and 'more correct' than others.

I personally don't think it makes you narcissistic but I think it does sometimes give you an inflated sense of self-righteousness. Although it is usually tempered by the other things most faiths see as important - a sense of social justice, giving, living a good honest life etc.

Both my WH and I are Christian. Heck - he is a minister. Yet he still managed to twist his beliefs to make justifications in his head for his cheating.

I can't imagine being able to do that as core in my faith is honesty, faithfulness and integrity. However I bet before my WH was in his affairs he couldn't have imagined doing it either.

The behaviours you describe do seem very self-involved (also very rude "rolling her eyes, smirking, etc making fun of it") and maybe they are narcissistic. The cause of it that is a whole other issue.

Personally I think people who are in affairs frequently exhibit narcissistic behaviours. They have to justify to themselves why it is ok to cheat and lie, Hence the blame-shifting and rewriting of the relationship history.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think one's belief system goes far beyond one's religious beliefs.

Some people - but not all, by any means - act as if they believe they're better than others because of their beliefs. Some people - not all - believe their beliefs place them beyond normal morality.

IMO, over-entitlement and overindulgence are not particular to any belief system.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 8

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