Anyway, my point in all this was that none of that has moved him. Even though I know you can't change anyone, and I wasn't looking to. That's why I'm surprised but I'm not. It's a weird feeling.
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
There is nothing left to be broken.
what if it's not for 2 years?
[This message edited by gma56 at 2:39 AM, June 7th (Friday)]
[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 7:01 AM, June 7th (Friday)]
Hope crippled me even though in my heart of hearts I knew did not want him back, that I could not have him back. Not after this.
I wonder if I just wanted to have one last final glimpse of the man that I married, mainly so I did not have to accept that he deceived me the whole time, that the whole thing was a mask - that I fell in love with a mask. Also that if I am brutally honest with myself, I *knew* all of this, virtually predicted it - but still leapt anyway.
You're going to be OK honey. Just got to get through this shit part first.
I tolerated emotional abuse well before DD - I can't say I felt worthless within myself (I had done a LOT of therapy years ago for FOO issues) but I certainly did feel worthless to him. Turbo charged post DD.
That damn four letter word - time. Work on your internal dialogue. When those thoughts creep remind yourself that none of this is about you. Nothing we did could stop them cheating ergo nothing we did made them cheat.
They are running now for the same reasons they cheated in the first place. They are running from themselves. Most people learn in toddlerhood that you can't run away from your own shadow. Not these bright sparks though - they think they can run from themselves.
Keep running I say. Good riddance of bad news.