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So lonely

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Littleleaf posted 6/7/2013 01:40 AM

Here I am, warm and surrounded. My newborn sleeps across my tummy, a centre of innocence and love. My pets snore at my feet. My wh sleeps next to me.
And, I am feeling completely hollow. Lonely. Lost.
Wh is here, but not here inside my heart like before. He feels fake. Cheaply made, shallow.
Will I ever feel human and loved / lovable again?
Feeling badly the past few days, summer is when he feel in love with ow. Everything is a trigger.
Just needed to speak,

Jrazz posted 6/7/2013 01:49 AM

Will I ever feel human and loved / lovable again?

Yes, I promise.


sinsof thefather posted 6/7/2013 03:06 AM

It's good to hear from you LittleLeaf and to know your baby is doing well. I've often thought of you and your son.

Have you told your husband how you feel right now? Is he trying to do anything to support you?


UKlady posted 6/7/2013 04:45 AM

Littleleaf - I feel your pain and loneliness but it must get better. So many people in here give testament to this. We have to believe it. Take care x

Littleleaf posted 9/11/2013 08:27 AM

I am no longer in the marriage home.
I have been staying with friends, moving around now for four months.
WH is wanting to work it out.
He is still emotionally absent.
When I do go back, the silence between us is cavernous, and cold. I have tried to talk with him, and it ends up in screaming, insulting rages.
He flips over into rage and frustration.
He says he is trying very hard.
But, I do not see or feel any thing different.
He clings to the house (she was there-they had sex), the camper (same), his camping gear (used to go vacationing with Breanne), he hid "things" of hers in the house....
Is it possible he is still in the fog?
It will be a year in October.
I do not know.
Moving toward D.
So, do not want to.
Did not want to be a single parent again...why did this happen.
Im 44 years old, no longer strong.
I have no home, no self respect, no money.
I no longer believe I am attractive, interesting.
Who is going to want me? I am broken.
And, I have this beautiful baby boy to take care of....I am so alone still
My family does not know what he did, they would all be devastated.
His family does not know, he is afraid of what it will do.
My girlfriends (two) know, and are supportive. But they cannot fill this void in my life.
Having very bad days, sorry for the depression-soaked blah

PinkJeepLady posted 9/11/2013 09:05 AM


I am so sorry for your pain. I know things look very bleak. It sounds to me that you may very well have to take "one day at a time" very literally right now.
I am glad you have those 2 friends right now, please lean on their support and strength. If they are true friends they will be glad to help you.
You have a beautiful baby! Focus on him and the joy you have in being a mother. If nothing else, perhaps you can find strength to move forward for him?
It's ok to move forward very slowly. Just breathe. I find it very difficult to make myself focus on myself while going through all this mess, it's hard! You can do it though, just go a little at a time.
YOU are YOUNG! Money, jobs, place to live, those things will work out, take them one thing at a time. Maybe you could lean on your family right now, they don't need to know the details unless you want to tell them. I bet if you reach out a little, they would wrap you right up with support.
I also bet you are amazingly beautiful, I ache for you to think you aren't attractive because YOU ARE! Find your inner voice, let it tell you what a good person you are.
Right after DDay, when I could barely move, I somehow rallied to do some "retail therapy" and I found this plaque with a saying. It says "you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are kind, ect ect". I didn't believe a word of it, but I wanted to. So, I read it out loud every day, even though I doubted it was true. After awhile, I started to get "myself" back and feeling more confident. I shared this with our MC and she suggested I change the words to "I am amazing, beautiful, kind, ect". I completely believe in the power of positive affirmations. Please try it, start small. Put something up on your mirror, wherever you are and read it over and over.
I am sending you support and love today. Please hang on, you can do this, you can survive and go on to have a beautiful life!
Take care of yourself!

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