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First MC session on Tuesday, what to expect?

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hobbeskat posted 6/7/2013 02:54 AM

We have our first MC session on Tuesday. This is all very new to me so what kind of things might happen? UK answers especially appreciated. And if you've been through it, did MC help you?

Thanks. X

Knowing posted 6/7/2013 06:55 AM

The first session can be a relief (finally!) and also a bit of a frustration because it's usually about getting to know you, your M history, issues, intake questions etc...

Sometimes it's subsequent sessions that are more satisfying...

UKlady posted 6/7/2013 07:27 AM

Hi hobbeskat - almost immediately after my WH confessed to his affair back in January we went to MC. The lady we saw was recommended by a friend who had been to her with her whole family for counselling so not quite same reasons!

The first session was all about getting to know us and subsequently she was pretty much hands off giving us space and time to communicate as a couple in a safe environment. It did help although after a few weeks I felt we needed a more direct approach.

We stopped going while my WH had some IC. And we are going to restart with a new MC next week. This one has a different approach so don't know what to expect from her.

I wish you success and would advise you to remember that your counsellor is working for you. Make sure you feel comfortable with them and honesty is always the best policy!

hobbeskat posted 6/7/2013 08:25 AM

Thanks guys. I'm going to try and go in with an open mind. Its been a hard week and I've been increasingly thinking this is a deal breaker for me.

twodoves posted 6/7/2013 08:46 AM

The first session was really painful for me. Hearing WS tell the MC hurt. Hearing everything out loud in one big lump.

Treat yourself to something relaxing afterwards

sisoon posted 6/7/2013 10:23 AM

I think it'll help to go in with some goals and even an agenda you and your H agree on beforehand, if possible.

Let the MC know what your goals and agenda are, just in outline. You and MC can work on a joint agenda (yours and MC's). You probably won't follow it exactly or get to everything quickly, but the focus usually helps.

Ladyogilvy posted 6/7/2013 21:17 PM

Make sure the MC is on the same page as the experts here on SI when it comes to infidelity. Find out what books they recommend reading. Are they the same as the ones recommended here. If not, why? It's not easy to find a good MC. The first one may or may not be the right one for you. It took us three tries, four if you count his IC.

The first MC we found was okay but not good enough. She was the type who wouldn't have an opinion which left WH to believe whatever he wanted.

The second MC was completely out of his league and a nightmare. The lies WH told in there were over the top, MC fell for them and thought I was just being mean for not believing WH. I was able to confirm the lies after the last meeting and refused to go back to MC after that.

WS's IC was a POS who supported WH not going into the 6 month in treatment program WH had promised to go to because then he wouldn't have often paid for 6 months. He also made it clear he didn't care about our marriage and that I was jeopardizing WH's sobriety by being upset about the A.

WH fell off the wagon again after I quit MC and Ingave him an utimatum, ditch IC and come up with a new treatment plan that I approve of or I was done. We got advice from the in treatment program and were directed to an MC who knew what he was doing both regarding infidelity and alcoholism.

The MC was the char. Him and the fact that I was done tolerating any more crap and it still has taken more than a year of battling it out with the help of a good MC for WH to start to get it.

Go in there prepared to get your answers met about whether or not this MC is the right one for you so you don't waste time, money and emotional energy with the wrong counselor.

shortee126 posted 6/8/2013 23:31 PM

My family has been seeing our MC for almost 2 years. It started out with my daughter having emotional issues and trying to get her to work through them. Once my FWH left me I was seeing her on my own to get through the issues as well as having my daughters see her during this time so that they had some where they could go to talk about their feelings. Since the start of R we have been seeing the same counselor. For us it was to lay down a foundation for what both of us wanted and where we would like to see or relationship go.
Wishing you the best on Tuesday ((hugs))

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