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Newest Member: AmIDreaming41 (45703)

User Topic: Cannot forgive this. Ever.
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've come to terms with all the hell my ex has put me through, but there's one thing I can't see myself ever forgiving him for; the way he left the second time after a month of false R.
The kids were so excited, and I'm sure relieved that they thought their parent's were getting back together and then he took off like a f'ing coward early one morning. Now I knew he was planning this by his action a few days before; knew he was still in contact with fat ass married whore, but my poor babies didn't deserve that pain. Again.
I will NEVER forget the way my baby girl and middle son bawled when I had to tell them; once again that their father left, and we were going to still be getting a divorce. Wtf does this to kids? That f'ing rat bastard ran off to get his sleazy groove on with a married whore, and left me to tell the kids, and once again comfort them all the while I was hurting.
I will never ever understand, forgive, forget, accept that this f'ing pos did this to my babies. May he rot. And I won't even touch on the emotional turmoil he has put them through!
God he makes me want to f'ing puke!
I couldn't even go to our son's baseball game the other night because when he's there he's such a f'ing loud mouth show off manic psycho I want to puke. It was his night w the kids, and I just could not take hearing his fake; crazy bullshit all acting like a father for another second. I don't like to say I hate anyone, but I truly hate him to the core of his existence for what he's done to these sweet innocent kids.
FTG!
Thanks for listening.

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vent away. False R was far worse than DD for me. The whole fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me thing. Having seen what DD did to me to have him continue the lies and deceit was almost too much to bear. I was in agony and enraged for some time.

Forgiveness to me doesn't mean absolving them of their wrongdoing - it means letting go of that ball of fury I was carrying around.

Healingtree said it best - I'm so glad someone put it in the Quotes thread.

Your freedom from anger will come from detachment. From lumping it all up, past and present, into a big ball of bullshit...and rather than throwing it back at his head, just gently rolling it towards him and saying in your head, "Here, you can have this back, it doesn't matter to me anymore."
Responding in anger makes those bad feelings bounce right back...

Gently rolling the BS back at him leaves it lying at his feet where it belongs.

I've thought of this often - the imagery has had a powerful impact on me.

((Strongmama)) There is so much unforgivable around. Forgiving doesn't make it any less unforgivable - it does set you free though.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5652 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They're impossible to understand, Strongmama. Just in case you ever have doubts about your feelings, let me second them: He's a cowardly piece of shit.

You and your kids deserve better treatment.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
KeepOnMovin
♂ 38245
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How terrible. He is a cowardly POS! Reading your post...I just can't imagine my kids going through that twice. Telling them was one of the worst experiences of my life. almost as bad as dday.

I was always so envious of those folks in the Reconciliation Forum, and even those whose WS's expressed remorse or asked forgiveness. I prayed hard STBX would see the havoc she wreaked on the family and try to repair it, to put it back together, but she's incapable.

But i think i'm probably lucky in that she was too broken to even try. Two Ddays for me were bad enough, can't imagine false R. Maybe a remorseless WS is a blessing?

I'm so sorry you and your children had to endure this. You definitely deserve better.


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like that quote thank you for sharing that!
And thanks for listening to me vent.
It's really much better at our house without his anger and lies and drama...but it pisses me off that he left me to have to re-hurt our kids because he's a broken f'ing coward, and then told the kids we're divorcing bc I had a boyfriend....wtf?! Lol
I think and hope they are okay. They seem happy and are doing great in life/school so it was probably a blessing after all. Now he can go spew his toxic behavior on his next innocent victim and her kids. God bless 'em!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
ideservebetter45
♀ 36951
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree! The stupid slut can have him but the hell he put my child through is unforgivable!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Pippy
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree whole heartedly. He can do what he did to me, but he tore apart the whole future with our kids and grandkids. I will NEVER forgive him for that.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe a remorseless WS is a blessing?

That is how I choose to frame my situation.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10004 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally understand the anger and hate. It's one thing to do it to us but to do it to the children ... TWICE??? How does he face himself every morning? What a fucking coward.

Thank you for posting! It makes me feel grateful that STBX left only once and for good. I CAN'T imagine having to tell the children again. I am so sorry this happened to you and to your children.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2298 | Registered: Oct 2012
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, Strong Mama.

Perv did that four times and each time was not when DD was home, so I had to tell her each time she came home from school.

By the last time she came and didn't see all of his vehicles, she already knew.

I can still hear her screams. I can still feel her shaking.

Now she panics when she is with him and has post traumatic stress disorder, as I do, from being abandoned.

Two times, we woke up in the morning and he was gone. The other two times, he looked me right in the eye, packed a bag and slammed the door on me.

Since he told me that OW has fits when he does it, I stood stone faced in the house we built, forced him to look at me and said nothing. No tears.

And what did he say the last time? "I don't know where I'm sleeping tonight." After the car drove away, I said aloud, I do."

I'm sorry for your trouble and I'm also glad that your kids have you to lean on. Now there are no more blinders, no more chances and hopefully only moving on.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2364 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Reality
♀ 39077
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, Strongmama. Your name fits you!

I've got a list of those moments. Some things are unforgivable, especially when it affects our babies.

Your kids have you; your love, your advocacy. That's beautiful.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand forgiveness; I understand acceptance; I understand indifference; I even understand accepting what he did because it was the only way he could deal with life. But I will never, never be able to say, even to myself, "I forgive you X for cheating on me and lying about it, trying to make me think I was crazy."

Nope. I can live with myself very nicely without ever forgiving. He should just go away.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20429 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
FirstLoveGone
♀ 25957
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell, I didn't need 2 Ddays to know that I will never forgive him for what he did to the stability and security of DD. Once is enough for me.

I will never forgive him for what he has and continues to put DD through.

They don't deserve the love of our wonderful children.


Posts: 1278 | Registered: Oct 2009
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all your responses! We are some great people is all I gotta say. They are some sad broken f'ed up losers. F them all:)
Great to hear everyone's strength and to know; no need to ever forgive that crap. FTG and the old wore out whore aka "soul mate" he rode out on!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all your responses! We are some great people is all I gotta say. They are some sad broken f'ed up losers. F them all:)
Great to hear everyone's strength and to know; no need to ever forgive that crap. FTG and the old wore out whore aka "soul mate" he rode out on!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all your responses! We are some great people is all I gotta say. They are some sad broken f'ed up losers. F them all:)
Great to hear everyone's strength and to know; no need to ever forgive that crap. FTG and the old wore out whore aka "soul mate" he rode out on!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops double post!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pippy
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember, they can only come back and hurt your family more IF YOU LET THEM.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very true Pippy!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Marley76
♀ 39506
Member # 39506
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great thread. I'm very much in the f*ck him stage and will be moving in 2 weeks. Such great wisdom here. Bottom line I do NOT want a bf who has to wear a tracking device. That has no honor. That is a cold hearted manipulative liar. And that would put my health as well as the children's well being in the gutter. My life was not meant to be some Jerry Springer bullshit. I knew after DDay2 that I want no part of it!! Those whores can have him! Onward and upward friends!!


Me: BSO 37yrs old
Him: Old enough to know better.
3 years -raising my 2 daughters and his son
Dday#1 6/7/13 Dday#2 6/9/13
R: not a chance
The further she walked, the stronger her stride became and the louder her broken heart sang. -anonymous.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 21
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