He says it to me and I say "thank you." I care very much for him and am trying to R, but do the I LOVE YOU's ever come back? Will I really mean it when I say it?
I don't want my marriage to always be in a state of someday, maybe, in time. I guess I need to feel that it is really going to be ok even if I don't see it right now.
Anybody else struggle with this?
My H says it to me every single day. I do respond in kind, but I am conflicted.
What helps is knowing that deep down I must still love him as I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I also have been impressed by his efforts to reconcile.
It is a different love, that's for certain. Figuring it out does take time.
If Istart saying it will he assume that everything is ok? So torn and sad thinking this is my life.
I'm not sure I'll ever say it again. I still have no idea what direction my life will go in.
Have I been conflicted about loving someone who could hurt me so deeply and wantonly? Yes.
My love for FWH isn't conditional. On d-day, I didn't stop loving him. If we divorced, I would have had to detach emotionally and eventually, hopefully, my love for him would have died, but I imagine I would always still care about him.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
But to say I love you wasn't something I could really do until I felt safe. And H worked hard for a long time before I got to that point. I don't think anyone in this situation can be expected to open themselves and be vulnerable professing their love for the betrayer until and unless they are ready.
I once wrote I was waiting for the butterflies in my stomach again and almost four years out, I am still waiting. But I do get a warm feeling when H comes home now or calls or texts me a loving note and I expect those butterflies aren't too far out there.....
It has taken time, patience and lots of work, both my me and my H. You may find, in time, and with your WS working hard, that saying I love you won't be so difficult to do.
I can relate to this song so much.
MrKOKO tells me all the time that he loves me. I still have trouble saying it. I do love him or would not be working to R with him. It is hard though. If it feels right you will say it.
It does not feel right still when we have sex to say it. Even if he says it to me, I will usually just kiss him.
[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 3:32 PM, June 7th (Friday)]
[This message edited by Sal1995 at 4:25 PM, June 7th (Friday)]
On d-day, I didn't stop loving him
the love I've felt all these years didn't disappear
Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."