Hi there, I haven't posted a lot here been mostly lurking
but this week has been hard for me.
I was with someone for almost 5 years when I found out that he had been cheating for around a year (I still can't get a straight answer). Most of this time was when he was supposed to be looking for a job or watching my kids.
We split, then we tried to work things out. The only thing that I didn't have to drag out of him is that she was saying she was preg (found out later it was a lie). On his own he started going to IC which turned into MC. Before we started in R I told him that I wouldn't deal with a child of that union and he needed to decide. He chose me. Then a few months later after a MC session he tells me that it's not working and he leaves. Only to come back a few hours later saying that he didn't want to leave that I asked him to that's why he did. So I tell him that he can stay but we aren't together. Around 6 mos later I give him another chance cause he is really trying hard to prove that I can trust him. I still didn't but he is a great dad to my kids and they don't have that so I tried to make it work for them. Around 3 mos ago I found a shirt that the OW had bought him (he swore he'd gotten rid of all her 'presents') and I flipped out. Couldn't take it anymore and told him that we are done.
He still tries telling me that I can trust him, and that I have full access to everything (it's been about a year and a half from D-Day) and that he only wants to make me happy. However I still find things that show he's talking to other 'women'. I know it shouldn't bother me and I shouldn't even be looking. But when he's constantly giving me the sweet talk, it makes me wonder if it's true.
I am trying to move on, not sure if I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again. And I wonder if after so long if the pain hasn't gone away will it ever really. I have a lot of times where I'm fine and don't even think about it, but when it's back it's really back and I can't stop thinking about it.