So, in a few hours WH and I are headed to a nice inn to celebrate our 9th anniversary. I have been dreading this anniversary for the last few weeks. It felt pretty empty to celebrate such a flawed marriage. But, based on the good advice of my friends here, I was open with WH and told him that if he wanted to celebrate, he needed to take care of it. He arranged everything, including a weekend without kids; and bought me a very expensive, highly unexpected, and very thoughtful gift. All great...Except, I have been filled with anxiety for the last few days. The inn is in the same state where OW lives. Unfortunately, I go through this every time we are within a 30 mile radius of her home, which is a lot because it is also the state we are both from.
Finally this morning in the shower, it came to me. Why on earth would I be anxious? My husband has admitted that he only hooked up with OW because she was there and made herself very available. She then pursued him afterward tracking him down on LinkedIn. She gave him an ego boost on the night of his HS reunion. That night, he was the cool, good looking, super successful guy; and she fed into that acting like the love struck teenager. He, in turn, acted like the typical d&*k, match made in dysfunctional high school heaved. When Dday hit, and I left him, he dropped her like a hot potato (I told him he could have her and I hope they are happy together). She is a sad, unhealthy woman with very low self esteem. She threw herself at someone else's husband and allowed herself to be used and dropped. I can't imagine acting with that little integrity. I can't imagine being that unhealthy.
But here is what really gave me strength this morning: if my WH EVER acts out with another OW again, I will drop him like a hot potato and never look back because I now know I am way too healthy to spend my life with someone who feels the need to associate with unhealthy people or look outside our marriage and himself for fulfillment. Maybe I will find someone else, or maybe I will just be a strong and healthy mother for my girls. I am everything to them and when they look at me, I see myself as I want to be.
My WH is working harder than I ever thought he could and changing in ways I never believed possible. We may very well make it; but I don't need that in order to be happy. I also don't need to feel anxious about him looking for someone else, but not because of him - because of me. I hope this makes sense to some of you because it was an important shift in thought for me.
Have a great weekend.