Hi again ((((Feb))))
Ask yourself what your (F?)WW has done to show you that she is worthy of you.
Sure, she's blowing up your phone with texts, perhaps even talking up a storm, but this is JUST WORDS. What has she DONE??
This is a VERY common phenomenon, that the WS didn't (and maybe still doesn't) want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Doesn't want anyone else to be more important to you than they are. They don't like to see that they are losing their ability to control and manipulate you. They don't like to be reminded that you are choosing NOT to settle for whatever measly crumbs they are handing out.
Has WW stopped boinking everyone in the riding club? Has she gone to IC to fix what is broken in herself? Has she gotten to the very bottom of her 'why' she had the A? (or is it As plural, sorry I don't remember) Is she prepared to work on your relationship in MC? Or whatever other condition you have or had or would have had if you were ever going to stay together? What has she done to show you true remorse? How do her words and actions compare to those of REMORSEFUL and recovered WS on SI??
Do not make the mistake of letting her back in without FIRST answering all of these things for yourself. Because if she doesn't truly 'get it', you will just set back your own (great!) progress and healing. Don't do it.
If she is for real, then she will do WHATEVER it takes. In fact, she would have ALREADY been taking major steps in that direction.
My guess is it's all just more hot air. She can't stand it that you are moving on. This is really very common, I'm sure it's somewhere in the WS handbook.
As for having to hurt someone - I really don't think you are there yet. If you are ready for your new relationship then keep going for it. If you are realizing that you're not ready for a new relationship, then you can respectfully back off for a bit, the new lady should understand. But don't dump new lady for WW, who just wants to suck you back in. And you won't be 'hurting' WW to continue to reinforce your boundaries with her. Although if you show her that you are immune to her words and she won't back them up with action, you can expect her to RAMP IT UP EVEN MORE. It's all just part of the act. Forewarned is forearmed. Don't allow her to dangle that teeny tiny thread of hope in front of you - or at least, don't act on it.
Hang in there Feb. I'm glad you have found someone new. Don't sell yourself short. Keep up the 180, and NC (except for kids and finances). Don't feed the crazy.
((((Feb))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now