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Luckyone63 posted 6/7/2013 18:44 PM

Need some advice. But first a little back story.

I will try to keep it short. Wife and I are still together (and expecting our first child) after I found out about her five year affair four years ago. The OM was a co worker. I never confronted him or his wife (which I regret to this day). Wife and I went through some hard times but are better now than we ever have been.

My delima is we are going to a wedding tomorrow where the OM will be attending as well. I realize its not the time or place to "talk" to him and I am sure he is not man enough to come to me and shake my hand BUT I know that I will forever regret not telling him how I feel about him if I let this chance pass.

How would you guys handle this situation? Say nothing and ignore him or stand my ground and say something? What happens IF he does come my way???

Help!!

HeartInADustpan posted 6/7/2013 19:21 PM

I'd totally ignore and act as though he doesn't exist. If he comes your way, politely excuse yourself and don't look back.

Besides, you don't want to start drama at someone's wedding! It's their special day and I know I'd be irate if one of my guests brought their personal issues to the party.

Skan posted 6/7/2013 20:00 PM

You need not start drama there, but frankly, if he approached me or WW (who should be glued to your side the entire time), I would keep my hands down (so as to not shake hands ... or strangle him), and with a fixed smile, say softly Do Not Ever Approach Me Again, then turn and walk away. After that, the cut direct. He doesn't exist, you cannot hear a word that he says, if your eyes sweep over him in the crowd, you do not see him.

Best of luck to you. I've had to do this in other situations and it is not pleasant.

hatefulnow posted 6/7/2013 21:14 PM

Ignore that inconsecutial prick. If he comes to you refer to skans post above.

h0peless posted 6/8/2013 02:35 AM

If he tries to shake you hand? Squeeze it as hard as you can, look him straight in the eye, hold on for maybe a second or two longer than you should and don't say a word.

Luckyone63 posted 6/8/2013 06:21 AM

Thanks for the advice, I don't plan on saying a word to the guy. But just needed a plan in case the asshat tries to come my way. If he does a simple, "you're lucky you're alive and I'm lucky I'm not in jail. Pease don't ever approach me again."

[This message edited by Luckyone63 at 6:25 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]

Sad in AZ posted 6/8/2013 06:41 AM

Please don't say anything that could be perceived as a threat. Your best bet is to say nothing/do nothing (including shaking hands.) Have fun and ignore the bastard. He doesn't even deserve this much consideration.

nomistakeaboutit posted 6/8/2013 06:56 AM

Keep telling yourself, "Jail is a bad outcome." I don't envy your situation. It's risky, being in the same place, because you can't predict with 100% certainty what he will say or do. You're very smart to be thinking about this in advance.

No violence. No drama. Your wife stays with you 100% of the time. Dance with your wife. Don't drink too much. Don't stay too long. You'll be fine.

if he does get stupid and approach you and/or your wife with something provocative, a response you could have up your sleeve is, "...wow. All very interesting mate. Call me tomorrow, because I really want to talk to you about what you've just said. I don't think we can handle this at this nice wedding though." Then walk away with your wife.

As you've pointed out, he's not worth going to jail for. Your child is counting on you to restrain yourself, you know?

Good luck.

MrsDoubtfire posted 6/8/2013 07:18 AM

"you're lucky you're alive and I'm lucky I'm not in jail. Pease don't ever approach me again."

I don't see anything wrong with the above as long as you then walk away without hitting him!

It tells him you know. It tells him you have taken the higher ground by not beating his head into a pulp. It tells him to stay the hell away from you from now on.

Make sure your wife sticks to you like glue and if he approaches her ... She needs to say nothing!!! Nada!! Zilch!! before walking away.

You never know... If he knows you're there he may back out and not go!

Whatever happens make sure you and your W have a plan. Them make sure you stick to it. Discuss scenarios if it will help you stick to what works for you.

Oh- and try not to get too drunk. Alcohol and an OP in the same room may equal you beating the living day lights out of him

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 7:19 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]

nomistakeaboutit posted 6/8/2013 07:34 AM

"you're lucky you're alive and I'm lucky I'm not in jail. Pease don't ever approach me again."

Yes, but my concern here is that it implies you will do something if he "approached you again". what if he then says, "Why wait? I'm here right now."

I'll say it again. You are very smart to be thinking this through BEFORE the wedding.

Luckyone63 posted 6/8/2013 07:41 AM

I really don't want to cause a scene.

I'll probably just avoid him but he still is a co worker with my wife and he even asked her yesterday if he should give me congrats on the pregnancy. She told him that less is more and that I don't wont to talk to him so he should just avoid us. But knowing this guy he will probably come up and try to shake my hand. I think I will just give his wife a hug and kiss and tell him to leave me the frick alone. I'm still not positive that she his wife knows about affair so that would leave him with some explaining to do

nomistakeaboutit posted 6/8/2013 08:23 AM

Warning. Direct, straight talk below.
-----------------------------------------------

Bad plan. Leave his wife alone, other than calling her today and telling her about her husband's five year affair with your wife, which as you pointed out, you regret not doing years ago.

You asked for advice. So, I'm just giving my best advice to you, straight up.

You're in a tough situation. He still works with your wife and they still talk about personal things at work. That's another really bad situation, to say the least. It's unacceptable in so many ways, but I guess that's outside the scope of your question in this post.

Here's my final thought for you. Don't try to be clever here. Hugging his wife, blah, blah. Be strong and confident. If he reaches to shake your hand, go ahead and shake his hand. Then move on like you couldn't care less. Take your wife's hand and smile and go get a drink.

What a fucking mess these betrayals bring our way. Rise above it, like you already have. Don't use someone's wedding as a sneaky way to do something that you regret not doing earlier.

Luckyone63 posted 6/8/2013 08:35 AM

Thanks and I totally understand. My mind is just going crazy as this time nears ... LOL

nomistakeaboutit posted 6/8/2013 08:40 AM

You're going to do fine.

Congratulations on your child that's on the way!