"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

tornasunder posted 6/11/2013 10:49 AM

Getting out of the "we" mentality took some time to do. I have been dating my SO for just about 9 months now (damn how time flies) and it still comes up occasionally. I'm assuming your DD18 is out of the house now? I have custody of my DS11 so my WXW is still in the picture as a constant reminder of all of those past "we" moments.

After living with someone for 23 years (for me it was 10), that portion of your life was significantly long enough that it is hard to help fill in your past experiences without involving your X. Anyone you date in the future should be able to take this into consideration. The main thing is to avoid the "we" in the present tense. I don't mind hearing stories from my SO about her and her XH. Those things still helped define who she now is. It helps me know where she is emotionally tender so I don't accidentally hit those buttons. Both SO and I have had bad days where something brings up the pain from our previous marriages and tears are shed, not for longing for what was but that it happened in the first place. You can't totally cut your X out of the picture of your past because she has helped you become the person you are now.

As for finding someone who takes hot yoga? Good for you. Have fun and enjoy yourself. I wish you the best.

t/j -> Got2Go

How did you get over her so quickly?

Jan 2012 was DDay3 for me. D papers were written up, signed, and D was done June 2012. By Sept I started dating SO. After enough pain that she caused I was done in Jan. As for being "over her"? At this point there is no way in hell that I would want her back. Are there things that we did that I miss? Sure, but not enough want to do them again with her.
/end t/j