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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: need advise re:insurance
♀ 34715
Member # 34715
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is self employed and has medical/dental coverage (very good coverage) through my employer. I am now at the time per our separation agreement to remove him from my insurance plan. If I proceed with divorce, the D would be final Dec 17th anyway and I would not be able to continue to cover him then.

WH would like for us to remain separated indefinately so that he can continue to receive these benefits. He said he would most likely be denied private coverage (and it's expensive) due to pre existing conditions and he smokes.

I don't want him to be uninsured. I know he engages in very risky sex, works in a dangerous environment and would not be able to seek counseling should he ever decide to. He said he would pay the difference. I am going to ask that he sign and notarize a statement that he is solely responsible for all medical bills he incurs.

My question is, are there any hidden negatives to this type of arrangement for me? is there anything I should watch out for. I don't want to be paranoid, but I just don't trust him.

Posts: 404 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 36060
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have a legal separation (separation agreement is filed with the court), or is it just a written agreement? If the former, it is possible that your insurance won't allow him to continue to be covered anyway.

If you have the choice, no way. Actions, meet consequences. He engaged in behavior that he was fully aware might lead to S or D. One of the consequences is that he loses his health insurance. Now he can get his own. Pre-existing conditions won't be grounds for denial when the ACA provisions take effect. It will probably just cost him more. Poor baby.

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 751 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My POS was on my insurance as well. We are informally separated and I dropped his sorry ass as quick as I could. It felt great to tell him, "you are only on my insurance for xx more days." So right now he has no insurance, and it is not my problem... Just one more consequence of his actions!

When I spoke to the insurance rep about dropping him because we were separated, the rep said "wow, that's cold." I responded with, "cold is a two way street." He said, "I get it." End of discussion and insurance...

BS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - 2 adult DDs - DS20 Deceased
Happily divorced!

~Indifference - Because some people do not deserve your emotions.~

I edit often because my tablet is possessed!

Posts: 4958 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Land of Indifference
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat after me: "He is no longer my problem"

There is no upside for you staying M to this man. In fact, it means that you are still tied to him financially. His bad financial decisions could become your problem. Also, if he does get sick and racks up a bunch of medical bills, YOU will be responsible for paying them.

Starting in 2014, he can no longer be denied medical insurance because of a pre existing condition. That is the law. The fact that his insurance may be expensive is not your problem.

And as you said, you don;t trust him so why on earth would you risk your financial future to help the person who single handedly brought you to your knees??

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think of it this way:

He engages in risky sex. He smokes. He works in a dangerous environment. He has already screwed you emotionally... what is stopping him from screwing you financially? And even if you go and get everything notarized and in writing, it is still going to cost you attorney fees and such when you have to drag his ass into court over it. And the most important thing: YOU DON'T TRUST HIM. That is a game stopper right there. Sometimes we have to put our compassion aside. He needs to do like the rest of us and get his own insurance.

Posts: 1842 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to grow up & get his own insurance or find some other way to cover any potential medical bills. I have to find my own way since I'll be losing my ins shortly. He can find his own way, too.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I just don't trust him.
Not your problem. And this ^^^ ~ if you continue to cover him, there WILL be problems.

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was he that considerate of you when he was spreading her legs?

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't see a single positive, and the negatives to this aren't hidden.

Don't do it!!!!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 4471 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He should stop smoking and keep his penis in his pants (or at least wrap it up!) He may want to get a less dangerous job or at least one with a good benefit package and work on living a healthier lifestyle too.

All things for HIM to consider. None of it has anything to do with you any longer.

I think the biggest negative would be that you are taking over a responsibility that is now all his own. He made the choice and this is a consequence he should have considered. If he didn't...not your problem.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
♀ 33438
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't want your insurance company, or your employer, accusing you of fraud, and what he is proposing could land you in trouble, beyond financial.

Don't do it. He can get his own insurance beginning in 2014, or find another patsy. Don't agree to this!

------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 571 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
♀ 39362
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in this exact situation and decided to move forward with the D, anyway. My STBX has been aggressively pushing for an indefinite separation partly to stay on my insurance, but it's just not my problem anymore. Aside from the great practical points mentioned by the others, an indefinite separation doesn't seem healthy. It almost seems like going from jail to house arrest.

I think what we forget is that they are looking out for their interests, not ours. Things would look a lot differently in our lives if they cared about what was best for us. I know it's tough because you still want to make sure he's ok, but if he can run a business, he can figure out how to get himself insurance coverage.

There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 415 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We did this. EX has excellent insurance and it was free to cover me, and I am in school full time. Plus, we made out better on our taxes.

We are in an unusual situation as EX is gay and cannot marry in our state, so no point in rushing for D. We live completely separated lives, in separate areas. We are filing this year simply because I'm tired of saying I"m S. We worked it out that he has to pay for my COBRA for 3 more years...

For US, there was nothing but positives, although I am looking forward to being D. Financially, it just made sense for us.

But, I am the BS, I hadn't and wont be working for another year or more, I do not engage in anything risky, and it was free to cover me. By the time the D is complete, I will have been S for 3 years.

me...BS, 46 years old.

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a friend that is doing this and it sucks ! She is still legally married and can't enter into certain contracts because she's married and he won't sign off on anything. They have been doing this off and on for 15 yrs ! She thought at first he would get his head out of his ass and he needed her medical ins. Now she's at retirement and if she gets a D her retirement would be considered marital asset and be severely impaired. He never worked a regular job.
I vote, he's not your problem and STBXH would not do the same for you. Believe me it is muddy water!

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20489 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
♀ 34715
Member # 34715
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all your wise input. I think I will contact my benefits admin. and see if I can keep WH on my insurance until the divorce is final in Dec. and then remove him. There are some exceptions to the open enrollment period and I would think divorce might qualify! Cmego, my WH is omnivorous (saw this description in another post and have adopted it). I do love and care about him, but it is time to let him take care of himself. He wanted this, not me. I do feel guilty, we had many many great years and two kids that he needs to be healthy for if something should happen to me. However, I am sharing this with all you wonderful people cause it just pisses me off so much, this conversation regarding his insurance coverage was precipitated by HIM telling me that I need to "kick DD18 off my health insurance" and sell her car and ban her from my home because she is rebelling. And, of course none of her behavior has anything to do with HIS actions. Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.

Posts: 404 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 33438
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, but of course. Daughter should have consequences, but he should be enabled?

Funny, . . . NOT!

------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 571 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, my ex is legally required to have me on his health and dental insurance plan. I am responsible for my own out of pocket, and it does not pose a financially risky situation for him.,

A divorce is a "qualifying event" so as soon as you are divorced, if you are not responsible for having him on your healthcare plan, you can kick him off.


[This message edited by Catwoman at 12:03 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 31275 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 17

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