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How infidelity affects the family

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letitout posted 6/8/2013 10:24 AM

I have 16 yo boy/girl twins.

My DD started having an eating disorder exactly to the date WW started his 2 year infidelity. We all new he was changing but never thought that this was the reason, but I think she sensed it and it put her over the edge.

She became more and more depressed, angry and her eating disorder escalated. After Dday it became even more intense to the point where she was hospitalized.

The thing is, she is going through all the emotions that I am having except it's related to the eating disorder.

She went through the rage of how could you have done this to me and not get me help sooner before it got out of hand. The disbelieve of what was happening. The depression. The horror of it may happen again. The mind movies of it.
The anger towards us especially her dad. The disordered body image that she is not good enough.

She is now out of the hospital and much better, but the fears and concerns and some anger are still present. She is trying to put her life back together just like I am, but it is hard.

She had quit high school and at one point I lost it because of the stress of my situation with my WW and yelled at her and said she is going to end up a prostitute. I am truly sorry and will regret it for the rest of my life for saying that.

It is hard to listen to her and not comment that I know exactly how your feeling because I am feeling the same way, but I don't want to make the situation worse for her. My WW has to now listen to both of us feeling all the issues of his infidelity as related to our situations.

My DS also is on medication because of depression for years, which has worsened since Dday and says he will never trust his dad again and is very angry about it. He is constantly worried about if we are going to stay together.

I hope it was worth it to my WW husband to have his selfish fun with the prostitutes to put his whole family through hell. He is trying to make it right again, but the damage is done.

I wish WS would think before they act.

Skan posted 6/8/2013 15:52 PM

I just wanted to let you know that you were heard. (((hugs)))

letitout posted 6/8/2013 16:35 PM

Thanks skan for listening. I was just having a bad day since my DD just got back home yesterday.

nowiknow23 posted 6/8/2013 22:32 PM

The affects on our kids are so profound. It is the part of all this that to me, is most cruel and heartbreaking.

Sending you and your kids strength and comfort.

(((((letitout, DD, and DS)))))

BeyondBreaking posted 6/9/2013 03:38 AM

My parents taught me that sex was something that was special and should wait for marriage. I grew up going to youth club.

When I found out about dad cheating on mom, I was angry with my dad. I refused to go by his last name for over a year.

In that year, I lost my virginity. I figured that most of my friends were doing it and I probably wouldn't wait for marriage either. I heard rumors that it would hurt, and I just wanted to get it over with. A friend of mine (we were freshmen in high school) had a crush on a guy and I knew it. I had a class with him and approached him and asked if he wanted to help me lose my virginity. I remember afterwards, as I was getting dressed in his car, he asked if I wanted him to call me. I told him not to bother. He got all upset, drove off in a huff, and I found out two days later that he started dating my friend. I felt like my parents were full of such crap. Here they went on and on about how sex was supposed to be special- and here I had it with someone who was not special and it didn't matter to him either. I felt like my parents were hypocrites. Here they were taking me to church and preaching to me about no sex before marriage- and then to find out dad was having sex DURING marriage just disgusted me.

There were other reasons why I acted the way that I did during high school (lots and lots of casual sex with random people), but looking back, the timing of finding out about my dad really negatively affected me. I probably would have been messed up sexually anyway (I was raped when I was seven), but maybe that whole thing wouldn't have started at 14 years old.

Additionally, I didn't trust men very much before finding out about my dad, but his actions confirmed that I really can't trust men. And so, call it a pattern, I keep ending up in relationships with people who have been untrustworthy and have cheated.

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