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Newest Member: Starrystarrynight

Just Found Out :
How to confront

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 BraveLady (original poster new member #39487) posted at 4:32 PM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013

I found evidence one week ago and am disgusted by H. We have been separated for a few months but I thought we were working on making things work. Now I find that things were going on before he left. He was sneaky. Very sneaky. And the Hurt is unbelievable. Time to confront and get answers. I am assuming this is it for our marriage, I am trying to be strong and prepare for this conversation, but I don't know what to say or how much to divulge. Any advice?

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2013
id 6366411
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LonelyHusband ( member #34145) posted at 6:35 PM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013

I hope this helps you.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=472128

Reconciling.
“A wizard is never late. Nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to".
Apparently not an appropriate reason for coming home drunk at 2AM.

posts: 1322   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011   ·   location: UK
id 6366545
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Jospehine85 ( member #35971) posted at 6:56 PM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013

1. Divulge no sources. None. Do not let on at all as to how you obtained your evidence.

2. Say very little. Give no specifics. Just say something like "I am aware you have had a girlfriend even before we separated". Then say nothing and wait. Let him start talking. The more you sit and stare at him, the more he will feel the need to fill the emptiness and talk.

3. Give no ultimatums. But keep in mind, he who is most willing to walk away has the most power.

If you two are only separated at this point and you thought you were working on making things work, then in reality he was simply keeping you as a back up plan B.

How long do you want to put your life on hold so he can see if he is happier with someone else?

Me - BS
WH - old
Kids
Dday May 2012

posts: 1598   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2012
id 6366563
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 BraveLady (original poster new member #39487) posted at 8:19 PM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013

Thanks for tips. I don't want to be plan B, and honestly, I feel no fight left in me. I've been fighting for months and I feel totally defeated.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2013
id 6366636
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Jospehine85 ( member #35971) posted at 8:42 PM on Saturday, June 8th, 2013

(((BraveLady)))

The one most willing to walk away has the most power in the relationship.

Take his plan B option off the table and see what happens.

You can do that one of two ways. Go NC with him or file for divorce.

Me - BS
WH - old
Kids
Dday May 2012

posts: 1598   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2012
id 6366647
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 12:28 AM on Sunday, June 9th, 2013

((((BraveLady))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6366786
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