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I don't know what to think

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HurtButHoping12 posted 6/8/2013 10:35 AM

I grabbed my husbands phone by mistake, because we have the same exact phone. I realized it was his, and for some reason was compelled to check his text messages. Well there he was, talking about his employee's "amazing ass" and how hot she was and has a wonderful personality. Like REALLY?! I really thought we were past this. I stood there, shaking like a leaf and everything just came back to me, I felt like I was getting smacked with a tidal wave of past shit. I'm so upset. I feel like he duped me, yet again. I thought he finally got it, and that we were going to make it. It's less than a month until our 2nd antiversary.

I confronted him and he's trying to defend himself. I'm just. Idk. I'm done. I can't believe this.

HurtButHoping12 posted 6/8/2013 10:36 AM

I'm sorry if this is a jumbled mess. I'm in my bathroom bawling. I'm just destroyed.

Holly-Isis posted 6/8/2013 10:42 AM


Just want to validate you...texting someone like that is hurtful and breaking boundaries. Even if he's texting another guy.

Guys may look at other women. I get that. But real men have eyes only for their wives as far as their hearts and the world around them is concerned.

HurtButHoping12 posted 6/8/2013 10:50 AM

Thank you. He was texting a colleague. And I'm bawling my eyes out and hrs basically acting like I'm being ridiculous.

confused615 posted 6/8/2013 10:51 AM

That is not is never ok. It's disrespectful to you and the marriage.

He's is defending himself??? He is a serial cheater...and is now talking about a coworker's great ass and how nice she is...what the Hell does he have to defend??

WH likes to defend himself when we argue..I've started asking him..what is wrong with you?? What are you defending?? WTHELL do you have to defend?? It usually shuts him up...because..really?? There is NO defense.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:52 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]

pewpewpew posted 6/8/2013 10:53 AM

I am so sorry.
This is a time where it's hard to give advice.
Under normal circumstances - yes you'd have a reason to be pissed but yeah, guys do look at other women.
However, as a WS - he should know if you seen something like that it would be hurtful.

Seems as tho he just wasn't thinking.
I think you need to have a serious conversation and let him know that sort of talk is unacceptable. Period.

I tell my WH he needs to remember this always: if he wouldn't do it in front of me - he shouldn't be doing it.

HurtButHoping12 posted 6/8/2013 11:11 AM

I'm just ready to walk out the door and never look back. I'm tired of all this pain. I'm tired of working hard to fix things and having him take a crap all over it. I don't deserve this.

Rebreather posted 6/8/2013 11:19 AM

Honey, you are not being ridiculous. What he did is totally and completely out of line. It is a major boundary violation. And of course, if you saw this...what else is he saying.

It is a true sign he doens't "get it." What you do from here, likely depends on if he stops defending his asshole behavior, and learns to step up and become the partner you deserve.

Don't listen to any of his gaslighting. He is totally in the wrong. After what our spouses have done, there is zero tolerence. Period. I told my husband he had to be perfect. 100%. All the time. And while I realized it might not be humanly possible to actually be perfect, that was his problem, not mine.

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