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What is WH still tells me "little" lies?

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Markay81 posted 6/8/2013 15:09 PM

Ever since I found out about my WH's A I think back over the years and I am realizing he has always been so selfish and so many lies. Im pretty sure I have always known this but for what ever reason in my twisted head I swept it under the rug. I always thought they are just "little" lies. Well now that everything has come to light I am questioning them "little" lies. My WH has been honest when I ask him about his A. He tells me he is so ashamed and deeply sorry for the pain and emotional abuse he has cause me. Not just for the A but for all these years. I guess my question is should I ask my WH about lies from years ago? Nothing to with an A just stupid selfish lies. Like "Oh no Honey Im helping my brother fix his truck" but really they was sitting around watching football. I know about these stupid lies and I don't know why I allowed it to happen and not put my foot down before. If I do bring up a "little" lies from the past and I think or know hes still lying about it do I take that as a sign he is not serious about saving our marriage? Would it be false R?

Jospehine85 posted 6/8/2013 16:13 PM


Chances are your WH is not going to remember those "little" lies. It's also possible he now believes them to be the truth.

People like your WH and mine tell those lies because they are easier then telling the truth and make them look better.

You can ask them about them, but I would not judge R based on his responses.

What you really need to be concerned about are any lies NOW. If you think he is lying about something, call him on it immediately. You will never be able to rebuild trust unless you hash out anything you find suspect and find he is telling the truth.

If after hashing out something suspect you find he is lying, well then that just tells you he is unchanged doesn't it?

If he is remorseful and wants to stop lying, he won't get upset about having to hash things out.

MissD posted 6/9/2013 01:52 AM

My WS lied about where he was carrying on his affairs, with who, how, etc. WS said they came about from using an online fuck buddy web site, happened in a specific place. Later he copped to various methods of picking up women, various places he had sex with them, etc. When I asked why lie his answer "It was easier to lie in the moment." my guess is this was one time he may have been truthful.
If in your shoes I would ask. I have asked. I may ask a thousand questions, or may ask the same question a thousand times. What bothers me is WS's defensive posturing when I do ask uncomfortable questions. In recent days/weeks he is able to realize his defensiveness only makes our situation worse. BS questions are not comfortable, but necessary.

[This message edited by MissD at 1:55 AM, June 9th (Sunday)]

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