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Well it's gotten nasty but it was inevitable!!

This is how truly twisted my wh's thinking really is. He texted me and told me that a female judge would side with him because he has worked over 20 years supporting his family (isn't that what fathers do?) While I was a stay at home mom (like I'm the only sank!) He said a judge doesn't care who's sleeping with who! Oh really...I wonder! I did punch him in the face after I found his second secret cell phone- but who could blame me after reading her text " thanks for last night- God you feel so good- love you baby!" And that was after 8 months of false r. I also saved a text that he sent me and he told me that I was an amazing mother. I'm sure that will come back to haunt him!! What about the mental abuse he has put me through!!

His arrogance and twisted thinking is mind blowing!!! The shit is about to hit the fan!!!

Yeah, the shit is indeed about to hit the fan. Especially if you hit him again, no matter how justified you feel doing it. HE CAN HAVE YOU ARRESTED! Are you hearing me? ARRESTED! If you have children, this can impact you having custody. This could affect your spousal support this could lead to a record that will follow you for the rest of your life. Keep your hands to yourself!

mj052, I well understand the urge, but you cannot give in to it. The police don't care WHAT is on that phone. They are MANDATED to take you to jail if he calls and tells them that you hit him. They have NO option. And yes, I'm yelling. Because if you don't get this fact through your brain, you are likely to end up in jail.

Stepping off of the soapbox now. But really, I'm concerned about you.

He said a judge doesn't care who's sleeping with who!

Sadly, this is probably true.

mj, you've GOT to get control of yourself. Uncontrolled lashing out is not going to do you or your children any good.

Your energy would be put to better use stepping back, working on detaching, and figuring out your next steps.

Yes, this is all crazy-making, we all get that. We are just concerned about YOU at this point.

((((mj))))

So sorry for what you are going through.

I agree with Skan. Domestic violence should not be taken lightly. Judges have to follow the law, and unfortunately affairs are not illegal in most states. Hopefully the gender of the judge will not matter and fairness will prevail.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 4:29 PM, June 8th (Saturday)]

In some states, the division of assets can be different, due to adultery, but for the most part, the judge won't care if he cheated or not. Which also means the judge won't side with him either. All the judge really cares about is that there is an equitable split of assets and debt, and that any minor children are taken care of financially.

If you haven't already, you need to talk to an attorney asap. Find out your rights. Find out how things play out in divorce court in your area. A good lawyer with experience will know what to expect from the judges.

I know that usually judges don't care about adultery, but the OW in my case lost custody and the main point was that she was having an A with a married man. So, you never know.

Also, you may be able to get spousal support because you were a SAHM. Many judges give more to the SAHM because they don't have the ability to earn big wages like the other spouse.

I think he's in for a rude awakening.

It's not for a judge to take sides. That's for the lawyers to do. However, I can assure you that a judge will be more inclined to look favorably on your WH because you became violent & assaulted him. You ask who can blame you? Well, your WH, his lawyer, and the judge. That's who will blame you.

But as for him thinking a female judge will side with him for some bizarre & outdated paternalistic reason? He's high on crack.

My friend divorced her husband 4 or 5 yrs ago (gambling away their life). She returned to me and said she was sorry to tell me this, but judges dont care about infidelity.

They do care, however, about abuse. You cant touch him again. He will use your punching him in the face

Here is how crazy this system is with abuse: there was one time I tried grabbing the secret cell from the hands of a very drunk wh. He then grabbed ahold of me and wrestled me to the ground. I have back issues, previously had surgery, was afraid I would hurt my back so I grabbed onto him as we went down. He ended up with scratches on his back. Unintentional scratches. His ow encouraged him to call the cops on me (he said it was his friend who told him to call). I freaked. I called the local womens abuse place to ask if I could get into trouble and she said it depended which cop came to the door. So, yes, I could have been arrested for scratches done unintentionally because I tried to save my back as he wrestled me to the ground

Dont touch him for any reason.

Eta: No judge, male or female, will automatically side with him because youre a sahm. He is using the bully tactic. Trying to freak you out. Idiot boy dsays these types of things to prevent me from filing/leaving.

If he says he is vindictive, take him at his word. Dont run. Just be prepared

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 8:26 AM, June 9th (Sunday)]