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Refusing to sign off on passport for our DD

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daisy 37 posted 6/8/2013 16:45 PM

My DD has been invited on a family vacation with her best friend. They are going to an all inclusive resort in either the Bahamas or Cancun. They have already stated they wish to pay for everything. The only small problem is that my DD does not have a passport. Since she is under 16 (she's 15) both myself and my ex have to go and sign application, show id, etc. He is refusing to do this. He says to her that she does nothing for him, so why should he do anything for her. I think he's bluffing but we are on a timetable here as the family needs to know if she can go so they can purchase plane tickets, etc.

I did not think I could ever hate him more than I do right now. My kids have done without so much because he refuses to help more than the minimum amount he can get away with. They spend virtually no time with him because he makes no effort to see them. This trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so mad that he cannot just be an adult and do something nice for once. He has absolutely no concern about her going out of the country, he just wants to be an asshole because he can. I hate, hate, hate him!!!

woundedby2 posted 6/8/2013 16:49 PM

Wow. What a jackass.

Nature_Girl posted 6/8/2013 19:06 PM

What a cold-hearted bastard. I'm so sorry.

DeadMumWalking posted 6/8/2013 19:08 PM

Any chance that you have sole legal custody? Because then only you would need to sign.

Another possibility, although I'm not sure it would work in your case, is to fill out the section on 'special circumstances' on the parental consent form explaining why you cannot get consent from the other parent.

Anyway, WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!

((((daisy & DD))))

devistatedmom posted 6/8/2013 20:01 PM

Is there anyone that can talk sense into him? Threaten him? A best friend? Mom? Personally, I'd get the papers, fill them all out and take them to him. I'd tell him to sign the F'ing papers or I'd rip his privates off. Say you already f'd up their lives, now sign the freaking papers so she can do something fun for once and stop being an asshole. But that's just me.

fraeuken posted 6/8/2013 20:14 PM

Do you have this addressed in your divorce decree? Who has custody? You can get a passport without his consent but you need to file a petition with the court. If he has visitation or partial custody this can get messy.

I had this put into my divorce decree; since my parents live in Europe and I usually travel with the kids to visit them twice a year, I wanted this irconclad.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

daisy 37 posted 6/8/2013 22:09 PM

I have sole physical custody but we have joint decision making. There is no set visitation schedule because the girls are so old. I could have gotten sole custody but did not have the money to fight him for it. I never fathomed DD would need a passport or I would have had a provision for it put in divorce decree.

He is currently on 5 years deferred/suspended sentence for conviction of stealing credit cards and using them. If he breaks the law, he could be sent to prison. He regularly violates his probation (has been caught once). I could probably get him in trouble with his probation officer, but I have to carefully consider that because if he goes to prison, he won't be able to pay the measly child support he pays now. I'm going to give it a few days. My DD already said if he refuses that she will never speak to him again.

LoveRising posted 6/8/2013 22:17 PM

My xBIL did something very similar to my nephew a few years ago. I wish I could give you advice on how to deal with it...all I can send is a hug and resolve.

^^what everyone else says. Asshat.

dmari posted 6/9/2013 00:04 AM

What a selfish fuckhead.

I'm sorry. I hope you are able to figure out a way for DD to go. What a once in a lifetime opportunity!

Dreamboat posted 6/9/2013 01:41 AM

((((hugs))))

I think you and DD are just going to have to forgo this trip because he is being an ass. The good news is that when she is 16 she no longer needs her parents in order to get a passport (at least that is my understanding in the US).

Your X just shot himself in the foot wrt his relationship with your DD. He is being petty and stupid and she is old enough to see that for herself.

What an ass!!

sudra posted 6/9/2013 06:07 AM

Good heavens. Who speaks to his child like that???? What a jerk. I feel for her. She will remember this forever.

She's fortunate to have one stable loving parent. She will remember that forever, too.

gonnabe2016 posted 6/9/2013 08:34 AM

He says to her that she does nothing for him, so why should he do anything for her.

Not much makes me more angry than when a parent tries to *equalize* the relationship with a child.

Her dad is a horrible man.

gahurts posted 6/9/2013 08:55 AM

I have equal joint legal and physical custody with XWW. In our divorce decree it spells out that if we cannot agree that I have final decision making authority for certain things and she has final decision making authority for other things. Check your SA and see if it has similar wording. Also call your L and ask if there is anythign that you can do to either get around this situation or force him to sign the papers. He is bullying his own daughter whch is just disgusting.

Strongmama posted 6/9/2013 09:53 AM

What a jerk! I second to call your lawyer and have a court order made.
These assholes! My asshole ex just did this to me and my kids. We had a family reunion vacation (all paid for Xmas gift from my parents) out of state and that jerk said he wouldn't let the kids leave.
We have a case manager; bc he's a NPD psychopath, and she made a court order stating I could take the kids. The judge signed it and I had to carry the paper w me invade he tried to cry kidnapping or some other BS.
Why any these horrible; selfish shit eating pathetic excuses for parents just gtfa!
Your poor daughter having to hear from her dad; what have you done for me? Sorry I was watching Identity Theft while I was reading this; and I thought Throat Punch! Lol.
Hopefully she'll get to go on the trip without too much money; time and selfish drama created by him to get her passport:(
I'm sorry!

daisy 37 posted 6/9/2013 10:38 AM

Thanks for all the comments and appropriate ill will directed his way! I am going to talk to the family today and get a firm date they need to know by. We can expedite the passport and get in 2 weeks, so we have a little time there. He travels alot for work, so catching him in town is difficult. I will send another email to him tomorrow. It is so hard to remain mature and civil when I really just want to cuss him out. However, poking the bear will get me nowhere. IF she does not get to go because he screws around, there will be hell to pay. All of facebook will know about this and probably a few other things. To this point I have been silent, but this is the last straw.

SeanFLA posted 6/9/2013 11:04 AM

I think this is just one of those times to sit down with your daughter and have the mom/daughter talk about her father. It just might not be a trip she can take. And that's what it is...just a trip. Yes she will get over missing it, but I'm sure it will linger on for a long time regarding him. Life is going to be filled with disappointments. Might just be one of those times for learning that. Just explain to her that you did everything possible, but your hands are tied. If she doesn't know already about her father's ways (criminal, adultery) it might be a good time to explain it to her as she seems old enough to understand and may have sympathy towards your anguish in dealing with this man. I would send him an email to him that outlines what you will tell her and why. There will be other trips, but not other fathers. He needs to grow up. It's obvious his life is a mess.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 11:06 AM, June 9th (Sunday)]

josie11 posted 6/9/2013 13:29 PM

daisy37, we just went though getting a new passport for my dd15.

What I learned is, the other parent does not actually have to go to the passport facility. There is a special consent form that he can sign giving you permission to apply for her passport by yourself. He does have to have it notarized, though. There are usually public notaries in local banks, etc. Some employers have a notary on-site.

If you filled out the form for him, would he be willing to sign it in front of a notary? It's much less hassle than going down to the passport application office. The only other thing he has to do is photocopy his ID and have the notary sign that, too.

We did this, and it worked fine. The form is called DS 3053, or "Statement of Consent."

http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds3053/ds3053_846.html

I hope he consents to sign the form and your daughter gets to go on the trip.

daisy 37 posted 6/9/2013 14:39 PM

Thank you so much Josie for that information. I am going to approach the form with him this week. He just called our oldest DD (she's at work). She works every Sunday and he knows this, but always calls her anyway. She was annoyed and he told her that her and her sister are so rude and she said well DD15 is upset with you over the passport thing and he just blew it off like how dare her be mad at him. He's not going out of his way for anybody, etc. He ended the conversation by hanging up on her and telling her he's sick of them and "stop listening to her mom". This is what we deal with on a daily basis from him. The girls try their hardest to be nice to him, but he is always the victim. They both said he is more immature than many of their friends. In a week or so he will probably give us some big story about how he has changed, he's sorry, etc. Then 24 hours later he will send me or the girls a nasty text or email cussing us out. He has issues for sure.

[This message edited by daisy 37 at 2:40 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]

josie11 posted 6/9/2013 18:26 PM

I'm sorry you and your daughters have to deal with such a volatile loser.

The suggestion I'm about to make is a little devious, but desperate times deserve desperate measures.

What if you and your daughters were to make a campaign of extra special niceness toward your selfish XH (who definitely has issues) until the passport application has been safely submitted? Would that make him more likely to sign the form?

It wouldn't be lying, exactly. It would just entail the three of you being careful not to provoke or antagonize your XH for however many days the passport paperwork would take.

Don't think of it as subterfuge. Think of it as diplomacy, LOL! Or, alternatively, as practice in how to get along with difficult people.

[This message edited by josie11 at 6:27 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]

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