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just a vent about one more issue my A has caused...

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Alyssamd24 posted 6/8/2013 17:47 PM

My BH and I live in a small is the one we both grew up in. Our home is within a mile of both my parents and his parents and both our families (along with each of us) know many people in the town.
Last night I went to dinner with my parents at one of the two resteraunts in town. When we got there I immediately saw my MIL's car and guessed that my BH and daughter were also in the resteraunt. My BH and I currently have joint custody of our daughter; Friday's are one of the days she is with him.

So my parent's and I went in and sat down and I was approached by a waitress who I know, and was told my daughter was indeed in the other room with my in-laws.

I cannot even begin to put into words how awful it felt to have my little girl in the same building as me, and to not be sitting with her like I should be. I felt so awkward when I went to say hi to her (and not only cuz my in-laws now hate me) because it was just such a messed up situation. I shouldn't be stopping by to say hi to my own daughter when I see her in a resteraunt, I should be sitting at the same table with her.

I still feel so sad about the whole thing, and am so angry at myself for it...if I hadn't have been selfish and had an A than my BH and I would still be together, and our daughter would be able to eat at a resteraunt with her mommy and daddy at the same table, rather than say goodbye to mommy when she leaves.

Mrs Panda posted 6/8/2013 19:20 PM

I am so sorry. How are things going with BH?

grains posted 6/8/2013 19:36 PM

It must be truly painful to know that for that moment you cannot sit with your daughter. You did go to her and greeted her and let her know that you are very much connected to her inspite of all the bad feeling from the other people who were there. We cannot change what has happened - the infidelity . You did have the courage to affirm your relationship with your daughter inspite of all the awkwardness. I also think that deep down you know that blaming yourself and being angry at yourself will not help you become a healthier person. I think that your daughter would like you to be healthier person. It might help stop the your negative self-talk if you think of it that way. Be safe and be well and be free.

Aubrie posted 6/8/2013 20:39 PM

I'm sorry Alyssamd. That had to have been incredibly hard.

badchoice posted 6/8/2013 21:53 PM

I am really sorry to hear this. . I know exactly what you are talking about. Hugs to you.

HeartInADustpan posted 6/8/2013 21:59 PM

Oh, Alyssamd, my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine how painful it must be.

Alyssamd24 posted 6/8/2013 23:10 PM

Thank you everyone for the kind words, I do appreciate them.
Grains: I know you are right and the negative self talk....I am working towards being a healthier's funny because before the A I never realiZed how unhealthy I am.

Mrs Panda: things between BH and I are going well I guess. I just came back from visiting him...we were able to discuss many of the things we haven't talked about yet, and though it was difficult for both of us I think it was a step in the right direction.

wontdefineme posted 6/9/2013 00:04 AM

I feel sorry for your daughter and yes you should feel bad, otherwise you would be one of the ones who think what they did was okay.

The consequences of an A is the destruction of lives of family as they once knew it.

My xh saw what an A did to our sons gf but said she should forgive her dad, he was in his own A at the time and just didn't care what it would do to his kids. His kids are now reaping the reward of coming from a broken home while he left town so he could start new where no one knew him.

I feel sorry for the innocent bystanders. This is not a 2x4, just a simple sigh and not understanding why a WS doesn't think of what happens after the A and how it will destroy the people they are supposed to protect and love.

ophelia24 posted 6/9/2013 00:52 AM

That must be incredibly sad for you Alyssa, not to mention the shame you must feel with your inlaws. It's a terrible thing to see the damage we do with the choices we make.

However, when you wrote this...

it's funny because before the A I never realiZed how unhealthy I am.

.... Means you are on the road to looking at yourself hard and why an affair seemed the only way to cope with pain. Good for you. And I wish you all the best.

Trying33 posted 6/9/2013 04:48 AM

Sorry about that experience. It was gut-wrenching to read.

Were you able to tell H how you felt following the restaurant episode?

Mrs Panda posted 6/9/2013 06:02 AM

Have you asked about moving back yet? If not, why not?

Alyssamd24 posted 6/9/2013 12:49 PM

Thank you trying! I did discuss it with my H and he was sympathetic.

I have asked to move back home but my H will not let me yet, he is not ready. Although we are talking and both in IC he doesn't know if he wants to be back with me

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