Topic: age of the AP
Member # 38790
| Posted: 9:03 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
I am not writing this to bash any of you who are in their twenties. This is a question and observation. Just kinda curious about the general AP ages. My H was 37 and had an A with a 27 yr old. I at the time was turning 38.
I think there is a whole generation of twenty some-things that think having affairs and being the "other" women is cool and attractive. It sucks that our husbands fall for it or are attracted to it. An observation made by seeing other posts. Or perhaps it is every generation and it is an age thing. I know there are exceptions. I have seen them here, but it seems that the normal female AP is in their twenties.
We can be that way too (thirty or forty year olds), if we let go of our integrity and moral values.
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.
Posts: 1618 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Member # 28410
| Posted: 9:09 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
My husband was 37 when he had his A. The OW was in her early thirties.
I don't agree with the idea that most OW are in their 20s. That's not true from my experience. Broken people (and it takes a broken person to be either a WS or an OP) can be any age.
My sister is 40 and she's been an OW several times. It has nothing to do with her age. She's BPD- just diagnosed this year- and her constant search for validation from unavailable men is an issue that goes far beyond her age.
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Member # 38634
| Posted: 9:24 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
This is an issue I have except its opposite, all the om in my case are much older, 1 of them twice my age. It is disturbing to me, but in my opinion its simply that men are typically attracted to younger women and typically women are attracted to older men. My ws didn't have an affair because she thought it was cool, she did it because she had problems and unhappiness and she thought that multiple partners would get her the attention and happiness she was looking for. The age difference didn't bother her at the time but she says it does now, and it defintely bothers me.
Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: LonelyBH
Member # 22870
| Posted: 9:25 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
My wxh was 41, mow was 29. She was very immature. She was also a stupid bitch.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 9023 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 32999
| Posted: 9:30 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
H was 41, OW was 24.
I was 37.... and for the first time felt really old.
him: the one who did it
Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Just South Of There....
Member # 35971
| Posted: 10:23 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
WH was 54 at dday. MOW claimed 45, more likely pushing 50. I was 47.
I do agree that most 20-somethings seem to have a much more laid back attitude to "hooking up". It is probably part of why they think nothing about hooking up with a married man.
MOW in our case was a serial cheater in at least her second marriage. She admitted that she stalked my WH and waited for the prime opportunity (he was stumbling drunk and away from home) to proposition him. This is apparently her M.O. at all the work conferences she attends. I think she gets self-worth out of getting married men to sleep with her.
Me - BS
WH - old
Dday May 2012
Posts: 1569 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 34770
| Posted: 10:37 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
My WH was 42 when the affair began. I was 37. MOW was 36.
Age wasn't as important as opportunity.
She worked for him and made it very clear that she was very willing and available.
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
Posts: 1342 | Registered: Feb 2012
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 10:43 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
Age has nothing to do with it.
In my case the X & I were 52 on d-day; the OW was 47.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Posts: 24560 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Southern New Mexico
Member # 34875
| Posted: 10:52 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
During my fWW's Affair, I was late 40's...she and the OM were early 40's.
married 21 yr
Posts: 221 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 24518
| Posted: 10:54 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
OW/now-wifetress is 7 or 8 years older than me, I believe. I know that as we get older, age is so much less relevant, but still, imagine other people's reactions when I tell them my husband left me for an older woman.
Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do. ~ Brené Brown
Posts: 12848 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartof, Texas
Member # 38207
| Posted: 11:16 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013|
All of my H's OW were within a year or two of his age. He was 31 and I was 30. None were younger.
Posts: 1593 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 35229
| Posted: 12:46 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
In my experience it has nothing to do with the chronological age of the AP.
There were so many OW in my case - DD OW was around my age, lots of others in their late 20s, current OWUmpteen is in her early 20s and had been fucking my husband for years before I realised. I trusted her taste more than I trusted his fidelity.
Fucked up has no age limit.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Posts: 5988 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 38341
| Posted: 1:00 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
Who knows about most of my WH's AP's. They were simply behind a computer screen. Hell, sometimes I hope he was chatting up some 80 year old perv guy. Sorry, I'm a little bitter.
The ones he *actually met* or Skyped with were all younger. Mostly in their 20's. I think one was maybe 30. Still younger than me. Ugh. He was such an a-hole.
Just call me Heart. :)
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain
Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Member # 36445
| Posted: 1:09 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
I think broken people of any age can and do apply to be AP.
FWIW my xwh had affairs with people older then me.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Posts: 1530 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39486
| Posted: 1:57 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
My WH's AP is 24, he's 58 and they have been living together since July 2012.
M 25 years
Multiple D days and affairs.
WH currently living with 24 year old, but wants out. I'm still stupidly hopeful.
Posts: 2 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: fossy
Member # 27176
| Posted: 6:17 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
After taking some time to calculate the number of OW, and reduce them into nice tidy fractions.... A denominator of 3 looks less daunting to me.
I have determined that 2/3 of them were over 35. The other 1/3 were twenty-somethings.
The only one to make the choice to enter into a full PA was the MOW cruising 40.
So based on my experience...age isn't relevant. Well actually if I was only going from my experience alone...more than half the time these women were well OUT of their 20's.
BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one
Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 16305
| Posted: 8:02 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
I was 40 (and pregnant).
Skank 37 or 38. Twice divorced by age 36. Both he and she big drinkers/alcoholics.
The first yr of the affair, early in 2008, I was cleaning the closet or looking for something and came across a letter addressed to his friends dd in his home country of costa rica. Girl was somewhere in her mid-teens (14 to 16) at thr time. The way he wrote the letter...very inappropriate. He told her not to tell anyone of the letter and for her to respond to his friends p.o. box. I wonder if ow knew about this budding relationship. I should have kept it and shown her, lol.
Tho I hear males from his country and where I live wanting younger women and I know young girls from his country wanting older males, when it comes to affairs, it runs the gammet. The only constant is the immorality and selfishness of those people
Time to be my own bff.
Posts: 9311 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: NJ
Member # 25818
| Posted: 8:14 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
I was 35 back then, he was 31 - OW was 26 :-(
Posts: 659 | Registered: Oct 2009
Member # 24924
| Posted: 8:31 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
My STBX (we're separated) had multiple OW.
A few were in their 30's & 40's, a few were in their 20's. The ones in their 20's were more blatant.
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
Posts: 3204 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Member # 32810
| Posted: 8:39 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013|
I was 26 at the time of the affair. My now-ex husband was 27. OW was 35.
Age has nothing to do with it.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Posts: 14438 | Registered: Jul 2011
|Topic Posts: 77|