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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: I'm hesitant to post this.
mel88
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*please let me know if this should be in R forum*

My SO and I have been attempting to reconcile for nearly five years now. He recently told me he would leave me if I don't get over my "dysfunction." I still have trust issues surrounding infidelity.

I fell and was wounded (Tuesday). Left eyebrow. I probably should have gone to the hospital. My SO said I wouldn't let him help me. I was unconscious for some time, many hours. He decided to go for a drive. Went to a diner about 100 miles away and brought me back a mini bottle of ketchup.

When he returned, we spoke. He went on for about an hour about how he didn't hit me, which I believe to be true.

I contacted my main people - best friend, sister, and IC. I'll see my IC on Wednesday. My sister went on about 12 step groups, but none of them seem to fit (looked at cosa, coda, slaa, aa, na).

I've been working on some drawings which are in some ways related to difficult events in my past, and in some ways related to the infidelity issues. Not sure if I should continue on or put them aside. Thoughts?

Sorry for the mumbled post. I think my brain was hindered by the fall.

[This message edited by mel88 at 10:18 PM, June 8th (Saturday)]


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2008
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He recently told me he would leave me if I don't get over my "dysfunction." I still have trust issues surrounding infidelity.
I'm sorry, he thinks you are dysfunctional for not trusting him after his infidelity? He's joking, right?

His attitude is not one of remorse.

Have you been checked by a doctor since your fall?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26151 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jospehine85
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is very important that you go to the hospital now and get evaluated.

NOW.

Go.

Being unconscious for any period of time, ESPECIALLY many hours is SERIOUS.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 993 | Registered: Jun 2012
mainlyinpain
♀ 39134
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a little alarmed at your post. There was talk of maybe him having hit you and caused your unconsciousness? Why was this a possibility? Why does he leave you unconscious to drive to a diner 100 miles away? Who does that? To me it sounds like he either left you after injuring you or left to meet someone 100 miles away. Are you looking at twelve step groups for you or him? Were you drinking when you fell? Please go see a doctor. A fall with unconsciousness is serious.
(((me188)))


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 505 | Registered: Apr 2013
mel88
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, he thinks you are dysfunctional for not trusting him after his infidelity? He's joking, right?

He thinks that enough time has passed. I just still have the occasional moment of fear. He also can't deal with my past.


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your post is so erratic that I am seriously concerned for you.

Why did you fall?
Why did you become unconscious?
Are you aware that if a person is unconsious for many hours there is a serious, probably life-threatening event that has happened and that person needs immediate medical care?

Let's focus on your health right now and circle back to your relationship problems with your SO at a later time.

But speaking of your SO...

What is the timeline for you falling and/or being unconscious and his drive 100 miles away to a diner. (A diner? Seriously? What could possibly be so special about a diner that one would drive 100 miles???)
Did you fall/pass out and THEN he drove off & left you? OR did he leave and while he was gone you fell/passed out?

These are important questions.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
mel88
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realize I'm a bit erratic right now, and I thank you for your concern.

You all are bringing up serious questions. Thank you. I realized that my post would sound odd. It was an odd series of events.

I talked to a doctor, but didn't see one. I think I can see one on Monday.

Why did you fall?
Why did you become unconscious?
Are you aware that if a person is unconsious for many hours there is a serious, probably life-threatening event that has happened and that person needs immediate medical care?

He left after I fell. I fell because I tripped. I became unconscious because I fell quite badly. I wasn't aware that being unconscious for a while could be so damaging. Thank you,


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2008
Fighting2Survive
♀ 28410
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was unconscious for some time, many hours. He decided to go for a drive. Went to a diner about 100 miles away and brought me back a mini bottle of ketchup.

Just to be clear...

Your husband left in order to have dinner while you lay unconscious at home alone?


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
mel88
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, pretty much. Breakfast, though,


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2008
hobbeskat
♀ 38805
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am stunned by that. Why didn't he stay with you?

Posts: 309 | Registered: Mar 2013
DecadeCentrifuge
♂ 39406
Member # 39406
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I'm going to join the "see a medical professional immediately" chorus.


Me: BH - Happily Remarried, but dealing with old stuff

I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).
Thought Industry


Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2013
mel88
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am stunned by that. Why didn't he stay with you?

He can't deal with my issues. I have some from the past, so I can understand that it's too much for him.


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2008
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait. He left you unconscious. After perhaps hitting you (which you don't know, for sure)?

You were unconscious for many hours??!

When a person falls and loses consciousness, it is reasonable to call 911. If you were unconscious, you could not refuse treatment, as claimed.

It is criminally negligent to head out to a nice dinner 100 miles away.

You're not dysfunctional, you're abused.

There is NO WAY IN HELL I would extend the tiniest bit of trust to this person.

Whether the fall was the result of being struck or due to simply tripping, his response left you in grave danger.

If you have not been examined by a doctor, please see one ASAP. Ask him/her for women's crisis info while you're there---s/he can at least get you started on a safe exit plan. If you're not sure how you were injured, it would be really prudent to remember that the time that is most dangerous for women is the time surrounding when they leave/end relationships.

((((mel))) I know this was hard to post, and the responses will be hard to read, too. But we care.

And this is scary stuff.

[This message edited by solus sto at 11:21 PM, June 8th (Saturday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9014 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Fighting2Survive
♀ 28410
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie, you really need to see a doctor immediately. Please do not wait until Monday. You need to go to the ER now. Head injuries are emergencies.

That's the immediate crisis to deal with.

The secondary issue is that you do not seem to be in R.

Gently here...

It takes a complete cad to leave his seriously injured wife alone to go have breakfast.

I know that doesn't sound gentle, but that's as softly as I could express that thought. After you have taken care of your medical emergency, please come back here to SI and let us help you work through the next steps to dealing with your emotional health.

((((mel88)))


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
TXwifemom
♀ 37945
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hum, this is more than a fall. Something is really strange here...... Mods?

Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
TXwifemom
♀ 37945
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hum, this is more than a fall. Something is really strange here...... Mods?

Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
longjourney
♀ 6418
Member # 6418
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm joining the chorus here -- please see a doctor.

As for SO -- he should have gotten you medical attention. When someone you loves gets hurt, that's the appropriate response.

And as for your "dysfunction" -- it isn't one. Not trusting someone who has lied and cheated is appropriate. What he is doing is called "crazy-making behavior". He's trying to make you think you're crazy for not letting it go. It's an old, old technique.

Again -- please let us know how you are doing.


Physical infidelity is the signal, the notice given, that all fidelities are undermined.
- Katherine Anne Porter

Posts: 835 | Registered: Feb 2005
musiclovingmom
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, as everyone else has mentioned, you need to see a doctor immediately. Second, read solus' post. Read it slowly and read it multiple times. Then, get yourself the help you need to be safe.

[This message edited by musiclovingmom at 11:31 PM, June 8th (Saturday)]


Posts: 1135 | Registered: Jan 2013
joeboo
♂ 31089
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the list of those concerned with your well-being. Typically a head injury causing unconsciousness requires a cat scan or 24 hours observation. If you are scared and confused and don't have anyone else to help you (besides your SO), just dial 911 now and they will help you get the medical treatment you need and ensure your safety.

Solus is spot on. No one leaves someone unconscious. Don't worry about his innocence, worry about your health and safety for now.

I wish you the best.


Posts: 1214 | Registered: Feb 2011
mel88
♀ 18862
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading everything carefully. Thank you.


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2008
Topic Posts: 102
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