I did find that the anger doesn't go away on it's own, there were unresolved issues that needed to be addressed and until they were, the anger built.
It sounds like you have pinpointed some of the issues that are leading to the anger, now you have to actively address them and work thru them to move forward.
I will say that some of my issues, it really required me to just think of the issue differently. So for example, I had a very similar anger issue b/c H's A seemed to be a mini vacation all the time, he travelled for work and he'd meet up with her at a bar and blah blah while I was at home, going no where doing nothing taking care of sick babies feeling like shit, alone. I was resentful for sure!
But when I really looked at the situation, H was constantly sick during that time, i think the stress of lying was taking a physical toll. I can't even imagine living a lie like that, even knowing about a surprise party causes me stress, I'd feel like crap non stop. And he was trying to be someone different with her, I'd hate that. He felt like a bad person, he had to live with that daily. So much was obviously bad about that time that I don't envy it at all. I feel bad that he made all those horrible choices and has to live with that. I didn't have trips or "adventures" but I was doing the best I could, I can look in the mirror and feel good about who I am. I don't know that WS can always say that. So sometimes shifting our perspective can ease the anger.
I too had to get a life, so to speak. I had nothing outside of the marriage and I would have probably been ok with that except the A left me feeling so vulnerable, i needed to do stuff on my own in order to rebuild my self esteem. I see the issue you have with juggling time and money but I do suggest you try to sort it out in some way b/c it can really help with healing. If you belong to a gym, perhaps taking the kids to child care there and having some work out time, meet a friend there and work out together. Maybe find a mom's group in your area where you can be social and the kids can play. It may not be exactly what you are looking for but just having a little bit of time where you get to be you, not mom/wife goes a long way toward healing ourselves.
