I was a homeschooling mom too. I do not know that homeschooling necessarily contributed to my own emotional trauma and what now, in hindsight seems like some form of PTSD. I do however, notice that the requirements of homeschooling caused the kids and I to be a very family oriented unit. We included husband/dad in this, and assumed he was "all-in" with us. The bubble-burst of reality was challenging for me, and to an extent, it seems to have been difficult for our kids too.
As you wrote here, I too became detached from myself. A good therapist explained that this was a common experience when someone we love, and most importantly, trust deeply, act with disdain towards us, and the trust/love we hold for them. It is destabilizing to all we hold to be true.
I was outraged that my beloved mate was/is who he is. And too, I was not happy with my own outrage at someone I loved. Sometimes I felt like his actions with the affair partner were acts of aggression towards me/us/the family. As you wrote, I used the word being "stabbed" by his actions. For me, it felt like his actions with OW were sharp cuts to the very heart and soul of my love for him, for us, for our family.
For me, the road back to "me" began with simply recognizing I love my husband. However, his actions, and his putting the needs of the other woman before our family, did not work for me. And, this never will work for me as his wife.
As tired girl noted, recognizing YOUR boundaries at this point is important. Defining your boundaries are part of knowing who you are at this point, and important in knowing the desired order of your world.
I traveled the road back to "me" when I recognized what is now so obvious (but I could not so easily grasp in that PTSD mush-mind state), that I did not EVER want to be married to a man who wanted to be with someone other than me, and our children.
As a homeschooling mom of 6, it may also be helpful to recognize in you, your importance and value as the stable parent, and director of education for your children. Assuredly this is a huge job, made more challenging when your mate puts his own selfish what-evers of the moment as priority one, and in full disregard of you, his mate, and your 6 children.
You will find the path back to you in time.
My mantra during this phase was:
Left foot - Right foot - Breath in - Breath out .....
[This message edited by luv2swim at 1:46 AM, June 10th (Monday)]