"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I have never had a wedding ring or engagement ring. For 10 years I had always wanted h to choose one for me.
For Christmas, 2011, h gave me a beautiful ring. It made me so happy, he had never given me a gift like this. I put much more meaning into it than he did apparently. I saw it as an expression of his love for me. Everytime I looked at it I smiled.
Ever since dday I have been questioning the meaning, he gave it to me only 10 months before he left me and told me he hadn't loved me for years.
Today, I asked him what the meaning of the ring was to him. He said that he felt I had never had a proper ring and deserved one. I was not bought because he loved me, but because at the time he only wanted to love me but didn't.
I gave it back. Told him I would rather wait for the real thing.
It feels so sad. Another thing lost, just add it to the pile.
In a way it feels good to have it gone. Everytime I look at it now it makes me sad, makes me wonder, now I know.
The losses never seem to end.
I guess it is better to know the truth than to wonder.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie