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I had to ask...

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cantaccept posted 6/9/2013 10:20 AM

I have never had a wedding ring or engagement ring. For 10 years I had always wanted h to choose one for me.

For Christmas, 2011, h gave me a beautiful ring. It made me so happy, he had never given me a gift like this. I put much more meaning into it than he did apparently. I saw it as an expression of his love for me. Everytime I looked at it I smiled.

Ever since dday I have been questioning the meaning, he gave it to me only 10 months before he left me and told me he hadn't loved me for years.

Today, I asked him what the meaning of the ring was to him. He said that he felt I had never had a proper ring and deserved one. I was not bought because he loved me, but because at the time he only wanted to love me but didn't.

I gave it back. Told him I would rather wait for the real thing.

It feels so sad. Another thing lost, just add it to the pile.

In a way it feels good to have it gone. Everytime I look at it now it makes me sad, makes me wonder, now I know.

The losses never seem to end.

I guess it is better to know the truth than to wonder.

jjct posted 6/9/2013 11:39 AM

(((cantaccept)))

I promise you, it will get better, and you will be through with the suffering too.

cantaccept posted 6/9/2013 11:56 AM

I wonder if he is still just trying to justify his choice.

If I haven't loved you for years then I didn't really betray you.

I don't know if this is true just wondering.

He says he didn't love me for years but now he does?

He and I said "I love you" every day even on dday, before I found out. Was it just habit for him? Was he lying?

I cannot say it unless I mean it.

None of this makes sense to me. If that is how he truly felt how could he live like that?

MC tomorrow, thankfully, it always seems to come just in time.

jjct - will it really get better? Will the new hurts ever stop? It floors me how many seemingly innocent things can now cause so much pain.

This is definitely an experience I could live without.

nowiknow23 posted 6/9/2013 12:20 PM

((((cantaccept))))

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