My fiancÚ's mother was very young when she had him. FiancÚ was raised by her and his step-dad. He calls his step-dad his dad. He knew his real dad for some time, but his real dad died of a drug OD when fiancÚ was 11. Anyway, point being, their family is no stranger to step parents or blended families.
FiancÚ has accepted DD as his own. His grandma loves DD, accepts her as family. FiancÚ's parents live out of state, and they have never met DD before. FiancÚ's mom has made it very clear that she "isn't a kid person" and "is too young to be a grandma so she doesn't want to be called grandma." She has decided she wants my DD to call her "Mimi." Fine, whatever.
The other day, fiancÚ was on the phone with his mom, and DD came in the room and wanted to say hi. He put the phone on speaker, and they talked for a few minutes. FiancÚ's mom made this comment to my daughter, "I am your Mimi and that is all I will ever be."
Then, after she talked to DD, fiancÚ mentioned what would she want OUR kid to call her (we are nowhere close to having a kid right now, but he wants to in the next 2-3 years). Hr response? "We'll of course I would be that baby's grandmother."
I am super offended and I feel like she is not being very accepting of my daughter. Am I taking this completely the wrong way? Anyone else think this is a little weird?
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
Oh... sorry... I think some of my own childhood stuff came up there.
I was a step-granddaughter and I knew it... I was 11 when my step-dad married my mom. And it was made perfectly, totally and absolutely clear to me that I was not equal nor desirable to my step-grandmother.
I feel very bad for your DD... I hope your Fiance speaks to his mother, although, I doubt it would do much good.
(((BeyondBreaking and DD)))
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."
What's important is how your fiancÚ responded. If he "let it go" and acted like it was "no big deal" and or "this is just how my mom is" type of reaction, be prepared for him to CHOSE her over other things in your life together.
If he stood up to her and said, something along the lines of, "Mom, this is my family now....we're going to treat everyone equal, right? RIGHT??" You should be fine.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:16 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
She is a really nice person (or always has been) and we get along great. Never been any issues at all. I don't know what her issue is all of a sudden.
Hopefully it won't last. Otherwise...well, they live states away from us, so it isn't like we have to see them all the time or anything.
Thanks for everyone's perspectives, I wanted to make sure I wasn't just being over sensitive.
How would SHE have felt if HER son was treated differently by his stepfather's family?
FWIW, my mother does this with my brother's significant other's older children. My niece is 4 and her brothers are 12 and 14. My mother interacts very little with the boys-----and it's because she doesn't like their mother.
I don't like their mother either, but I consider them to be my nephews, because my brother considers them to be his sons. I have gotten into it many times with my mother over her treatment of those boys.
--also, my stepfather raised me and my brother and we call him "Dad". I asked my mom how she would have felt if my "dad's" family had rejected us. She doesn't see the correlation.
I love him and that is all that matters to us.
I guess you should be lucky she doesn't live near you, so it's ony an issue at big events and holidays.
I would be tempted to call her on it. But that's just me.