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BeyondBreaking posted 6/9/2013 11:33 AM

I want to know everyone else's perspective on this:

My fiancé's mother was very young when she had him. Fiancé was raised by her and his step-dad. He calls his step-dad his dad. He knew his real dad for some time, but his real dad died of a drug OD when fiancé was 11. Anyway, point being, their family is no stranger to step parents or blended families.

Fiancé has accepted DD as his own. His grandma loves DD, accepts her as family. Fiancé's parents live out of state, and they have never met DD before. Fiancé's mom has made it very clear that she "isn't a kid person" and "is too young to be a grandma so she doesn't want to be called grandma." She has decided she wants my DD to call her "Mimi." Fine, whatever.

The other day, fiancé was on the phone with his mom, and DD came in the room and wanted to say hi. He put the phone on speaker, and they talked for a few minutes. Fiancé's mom made this comment to my daughter, "I am your Mimi and that is all I will ever be."

Then, after she talked to DD, fiancé mentioned what would she want OUR kid to call her (we are nowhere close to having a kid right now, but he wants to in the next 2-3 years). Hr response? "We'll of course I would be that baby's grandmother."

I am super offended and I feel like she is not being very accepting of my daughter. Am I taking this completely the wrong way? Anyone else think this is a little weird?

nowiknow23 posted 6/9/2013 11:57 AM

I would also be offended. What was your fiance's reaction?

Dark Inertia posted 6/9/2013 13:19 PM

I would be totally offended. What did your fiance say?

Amazonia posted 6/9/2013 14:19 PM

I would feel more slighted than offended, like she doesn't equate your relationship or your daughters relationship to being "valid" for her. I would also be hurt.

jrc1963 posted 6/9/2013 19:31 PM

She is a big, fat, ugly cow who should be laughed off the planet.

Oh... sorry... I think some of my own childhood stuff came up there.

I was a step-granddaughter and I knew it... I was 11 when my step-dad married my mom. And it was made perfectly, totally and absolutely clear to me that I was not equal nor desirable to my step-grandmother.

I feel very bad for your DD... I hope your Fiance speaks to his mother, although, I doubt it would do much good.

(((BeyondBreaking and DD)))

phmh posted 6/9/2013 20:02 PM

My perspective is that you should seriously reconsider marrying into such a family.

willowiris posted 6/9/2013 20:09 PM

Yes, I would be offended. I come from a large loving brood, and we give people family names such as grandma, grandpa etc. It does not matter whether you got into the family by marriage, adoption or blood. you are family. Blood doesn't make you family. She is very nasty indeed.

sadtoo posted 6/9/2013 20:15 PM

It really doesn't matter about her. She is obviously an insensitive f'ing bitch.

What's important is how your fiancé responded. If he "let it go" and acted like it was "no big deal" and or "this is just how my mom is" type of reaction, be prepared for him to CHOSE her over other things in your life together.

If he stood up to her and said, something along the lines of, "Mom, this is my family now....we're going to treat everyone equal, right? RIGHT??" You should be fine.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:16 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]

BeyondBreaking posted 6/9/2013 20:45 PM

Oh, he was supportive- I think he told her she was being petty, being so worried about "feeling old" about being called grandma.

She is a really nice person (or always has been) and we get along great. Never been any issues at all. I don't know what her issue is all of a sudden.

Hopefully it won't last. Otherwise...well, they live states away from us, so it isn't like we have to see them all the time or anything.

Thanks for everyone's perspectives, I wanted to make sure I wasn't just being over sensitive.

itainteasy posted 6/10/2013 11:47 AM

I think she's a fucking hypocrite. HER husband, who is not your fiance's father stepped in and raised him like your fiance was his own...and she doesn't see that your fiance is doing the same thing for your DD??

How would SHE have felt if HER son was treated differently by his stepfather's family?

FWIW, my mother does this with my brother's significant other's older children. My niece is 4 and her brothers are 12 and 14. My mother interacts very little with the boys-----and it's because she doesn't like their mother.

I don't like their mother either, but I consider them to be my nephews, because my brother considers them to be his sons. I have gotten into it many times with my mother over her treatment of those boys.

--also, my stepfather raised me and my brother and we call him "Dad". I asked my mom how she would have felt if my "dad's" family had rejected us. She doesn't see the correlation.

Afraid2LoveAgain posted 6/11/2013 13:21 PM

My STB son-in-law has a son from a previous relationship. He calls me Nana, just as my two granddaughters do. I include him in everything. Spend the same amount on him at birthdays and Christmas. He is my grandson just as if he was blood.

I love him and that is all that matters to us.

tushnurse posted 6/11/2013 13:28 PM

BB I am guessing that you are probably causing her to experience some feelings she never really dealt with.
That is a real Bit#! move on her part, to talk to your daughter like that.

I guess you should be lucky she doesn't live near you, so it's ony an issue at big events and holidays.

I would be tempted to call her on it. But that's just me.

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