[This message edited by ketyb at 12:23 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]
My exH also had an affair with my best friend, so I understand the level of pain you have been feeling. Double betrayal is a particularly painful thing.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing by being No Contact with the two of them. There is no reason for him to be contacting you, and nothing good could possibly come of it.
You will move on with dignity and find someone who truly deserves your love and devotion.
Best wishes to you.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Please take a look at the upper left corner of your screen. There is a yellow box there and in it, is The Healing Library. Click on that. It will take you to several articles by experienced members. Start reading. The more information that you have, the better. While you have not "just found out," you have come to the right forum to start off as you're still processing your betrayal, so please stay here for a while. Also, any post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it is also something that you should read.
Keep coming back. Post and vent. We are all here to help you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Rather than waiting for him to throw your x-BFF out and asking you back, maybe you should look into getting yourself into individual counselling.
You need to find out why it has been ok for him to "cheat 4 times" and now cheat with your best friend. Why are you accepting of this poor treatment? And more horrifying? Why would you consider bringing a baby into this?
When another woman takes your husband, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to LET HER HAVE him. OC born 2001 DDay 2002 Divorced 2003 Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
You deserve a better life. You know this and you want it. You just think you're going to have it with him. And he is "showing" you who he is but for whatever reason, you can't see it.
You can't find the right one while you're with the wrong one.
Oh sweetie. Could it be that he's crying because you aren't putting up with it this time? And not because he's come to his senses?
Don't take him back for a while, at least till you see some major, permanent changes.
Take care of yourself. And please, please do not get pregnant. Your baby deserves a father that loves his/her mother more than anything.
I am so sorry that both your spouse and your friend could betray you like this. Such a terrible double blow.
Have you got yourself some counselling? Someone who can help you work through your own issues. No one deserves to be treated the way you have been by him and be so accepting of it.
You know when someone repeatedly shows you who they are by their actions you need to believe them. I know it is hard to believe when you are so hurt but you do deserve someone who will treat you with love and respect. He is not doing this.
This man has seriously concerning sexual behaviours - he may well be a sex addict.
You need to to start looking after you - both physically (get yourself tested for STDs) and emotionally (counselling and reading etc).
Keep posting so we can support you.
It is time to move on. Do not allow yourself to be an option.
Please listen to your own words. He's cheated on you numerous times, he is addicted to porn, he drinks, he is cheating on your best friend.
YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM. He is messed up. He needs to figure himself out, get into counseling and grow up.
If you would reunite with this man you will be setting yourself up for more heartache and despair. And WHY would having a baby with this man be a good idea? That would be so unfair to the child to have this man as a father.
Go NC and don't look back.
Please consider IC for yourself. You need to figure out what healthy means to you.
There are good guys out there. Go find one.
Good luck
