SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

ketyb posted 6/9/2013 12:15 PM

My story is long but I will keep it short,,,lived together 11 years,,,he has cheated 4 times in this period /that I knof of..I always forgave him..then last year he asks me if we can have a baby...I was so happy...Bought house,car talked about the baby..THEN he cheats with my bestfriend...my life has been hell for the past year..I moved out and she moved in 3 days later..He has contacted me all year..talks about how unhappy she makes him..he is leaving her..but it never happens...I went no contact 3 weeks ago...I have no hope for love and cannot understand this....he is a big user of porn as well---it was his hobby you can say...the friend is very slutty and slept with many men in our town...I never thaught he would go to her..-

[This message edited by ketyb at 12:23 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]

woundedby2 posted 6/9/2013 12:36 PM

I'm so sorry for the circumstances which brought you here, but you have found a great place for healing.

My exH also had an affair with my best friend, so I understand the level of pain you have been feeling. Double betrayal is a particularly painful thing.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by being No Contact with the two of them. There is no reason for him to be contacting you, and nothing good could possibly come of it.

You will move on with dignity and find someone who truly deserves your love and devotion.

Best wishes to you.

Skan posted 6/9/2013 13:04 PM

Welcome. I'm so sorry that you had the reason to find us, but I am SO glad that you did. We are all here to support you. The weekends can be really slow, so don't be discouraged if it seems like there isn't a lot of response to you. More people will be on starting tomorrow morning.

Please take a look at the upper left corner of your screen. There is a yellow box there and in it, is The Healing Library. Click on that. It will take you to several articles by experienced members. Start reading. The more information that you have, the better. While you have not "just found out," you have come to the right forum to start off as you're still processing your betrayal, so please stay here for a while. Also, any post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it is also something that you should read.

Keep coming back. Post and vent. We are all here to help you. (((hugs)))

ketyb posted 6/9/2013 13:28 PM

thanx so much....I guess we come here to feel we are not alone...I never thaught this would happen in the mist of my happiest moments...maybe I was blibd to see it coming

sadtoo posted 6/9/2013 13:49 PM

ketyb,
Welcome to SI. I am so sorry for your pain. You know you deserve better than this, right?

Rather than waiting for him to throw your x-BFF out and asking you back, maybe you should look into getting yourself into individual counselling.

You need to find out why it has been ok for him to "cheat 4 times" and now cheat with your best friend. Why are you accepting of this poor treatment? And more horrifying? Why would you consider bringing a baby into this?

ketyb posted 6/9/2013 14:00 PM

Good question i guess denial because it was too painfull

sadtoo posted 6/9/2013 14:11 PM

I get that. Denial is a powerful thing. I lived in that place for a long time too. do yourself a favor and find out why. And then get out of it.

You deserve a better life. You know this and you want it. You just think you're going to have it with him. And he is "showing" you who he is but for whatever reason, you can't see it.

You can't find the right one while you're with the wrong one.

ketyb posted 6/9/2013 15:15 PM

I guess this was never love or any form of love...I wonder why I hate myself so much to see him dó this in front of my eyes, at work and at home..he is a pig and I want him back...the OW is not important because there were many before her...he never seemed to have regrets...but this time he cried and told me he is evil..

thrivingnow posted 6/9/2013 17:09 PM

there were many before her...he never seemed to have regrets...but this time he cried and told me he is evil..

Oh sweetie. Could it be that he's crying because you aren't putting up with it this time? And not because he's come to his senses?

Don't take him back for a while, at least till you see some major, permanent changes.

Take care of yourself. And please, please do not get pregnant. Your baby deserves a father that loves his/her mother more than anything.

avicarswife posted 6/9/2013 23:23 PM

Hi honey welcome to SI. What you have gone through is heartbreaking and you deserve so much better.

I am so sorry that both your spouse and your friend could betray you like this. Such a terrible double blow.

Have you got yourself some counselling? Someone who can help you work through your own issues. No one deserves to be treated the way you have been by him and be so accepting of it.

You know when someone repeatedly shows you who they are by their actions you need to believe them. I know it is hard to believe when you are so hurt but you do deserve someone who will treat you with love and respect. He is not doing this.

This man has seriously concerning sexual behaviours - he may well be a sex addict.

You need to to start looking after you - both physically (get yourself tested for STDs) and emotionally (counselling and reading etc).

Keep posting so we can support you.

ketyb posted 6/10/2013 08:20 AM

I think he has some kind of addiction to women and porn..he used to always sit and look at porn when I was at work, never did anything in the house...likes to drink as well...I am so lost, so empty,,I need to move on its been one year..he has gone no contact as well now...after telling me just in march he was leaving her

1Faith posted 6/10/2013 09:29 AM

I know you are hurting and I am sorry.

It is time to move on. Do not allow yourself to be an option.

Please listen to your own words. He's cheated on you numerous times, he is addicted to porn, he drinks, he is cheating on your best friend.

YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM. He is messed up. He needs to figure himself out, get into counseling and grow up.

If you would reunite with this man you will be setting yourself up for more heartache and despair. And WHY would having a baby with this man be a good idea? That would be so unfair to the child to have this man as a father.

Go NC and don't look back.

Please consider IC for yourself. You need to figure out what healthy means to you.

There are good guys out there. Go find one.

Good luck