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vb1984 posted 6/9/2013 12:33 PM

I just had my first weekend without my daughters. I was doing alright, I watched movies on Friday, went car shopping on Saturday, and Sat night I went out with some girlfriends. I was having a really good time. I guess my STBX saw a picture of me that one of my friends posted online. We were dancing and having fun and a little after midnight I got a text from him saying he is so sorry for hurting me so many times, that I deserve better than him and he's glad I can still go out and have fun with my friends. I just replied "thanks, it's better than sitting at home being lonely".
After that I just wanted to go home, but I really just wanted to go home and be with my husband, but I can't anymore and that was an awful feeling. Now I'm a mess and crying, I'm trying to get a few things done around the house before my daughters come home, but I feel awful. I only had 2 drinks and I feel hungover. I just really hate feeling like this. How long does this part last?

nomistakeaboutit posted 6/9/2013 13:07 PM

I think part of it is starting to truly feel that he is no longer connected to you, except through the children. He doesn't seem remorseful, but rather sorry that he hurt you and glad to see you having fun without him.

After a betrayal of infideltity, there can be no resurrecting the marriage unless the WS is remorseful and works really hard to learn why and then commits to change. You can't do it alone. So, when you see him being comfortable living apart from you, comfortable coparenting, comfortable not being connected to you except through the children, it does start to get easier to accept. It happens through seeing it with your own eyes and experiencing it.

I am there. It's one year from our divorce. I have primary custody of my kids, and my xWW has them three weekends each month. My kids, too, will be coming home to me this afternoon, and I can't wait to see them. I will be cordial to my xWW during the handoff, but I will have no tugs on my heart, except for feeling sad that the kids have to deal with this. How she can do it (be with them so little) - now that's something I don't think I will ever understand.

It will get better, as you truly start to release from him. That's the best way I can try to explain it. thankful for my children. They are my reason for being strong, as I know your children are to you.

vb1984 posted 6/9/2013 21:41 PM

Thanks, I know acceptance will come eventually, it's just hard getting to that point. It's only been about 2 months and for most of that time we were still living in the same house and I thought we might work things out. I know I'll get there someday!

Ashland13 posted 6/21/2013 16:15 PM

I'm sorry for your hard time. I have it too.

Nothing in the world is quite as it was-glittery things don't shine anymore and I have many, many nights to face alone. In this situation, Perv also made a big stink to change the weekend visits from every weekend to every other and it is messing with our daughter's head, as well as creating more broken promises I have to watch her go through.

I just wanted to say in my lengthy way that I understand what you're saying. People push me to go out, though not so much as my pregnancy is getting later in term, but people were pushing that quite early on.

I'm glad you got out a little even though it's not the same and I'm glad your WH realized you are living your own life now, VB. Sooner or later we have to, or we rot.

I have a struggle also with making small talk, as my world is crashing around my head people want to talk about anything but "it" and I get that. I just can't put it away so easily.

I had shock the first times they went on their visits and I was so uninvited. DD said she cried knowing I was home and asks me each visit what I did and it feels very sweet.

I think you did a good job filling in the time, FWIW. I try to do a little but also some rest before she gets back because she's so active.

I wish you peace.

And I agree with the other posts, especially about the arms...the first night Perv snuck out to OW, he tucked us all in as he used to, gave his "I love you's", sat and held me in his arms and was out the door soon after.

It's cost me emotional turmoil but I know I can't rely on a person capable of such deceit any longer and I hope you will get there, too.

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