I've found that I started to feel so down and sad. I just needed us to reconnect.
We've had the talk about sex vs. making love. It seemed for the longest time we were just having sex. We've always been adventurous in bed, but now I find that's not what I'm wanting so much. Once I expressed my need to have it be more "loving" H understood and was amazed by the difference even for himself.
So my question is this: is it odd to only want the loving and never a quickie? H has always said that there was no connection with OW, it was just sex. Even after this far out I still get "flashes of thoughts", not mind movies. It seems like I'm more into it when we make love and don't have even the "thoughts" then.
My H and I made love on a couch in a hotel room the other day . We were away for a couples weekend and just trying to connect. It was great until later that night when I remembered him telling me he fucked the ***** on her Daughters couch! Holy crap! I had a melt down! Pain like the day I found out!
So yes. I think making love is one thing. Having sex is just the act. Making love in a place you know your husband had sex with a whore is just degrading, and humiliating.
[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 6:43 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]
However, I came to realize that simply screwing was doing nothing for US. For our connection. For all the relationship building that it wasn't, I might as well have visited the vegetable bin.
Now, it's love making. No matter the length of time, it's making love. I'm not interested in simply getting my rocks off as it were. I'm interested in deepening and nurturing the connection, closeness, and love that we share. Yeah, there are times when we are both quite adventurous. However most of the time, I guess that you would say that we are pretty vanilla. And that's OK with both of us.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
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I love them, but they do curtail our activities. No more showers to together or doing anything outside the bedroom.
I used to LOVE quickies. But in light of the $40 BJ that my husband got from a prostitute, the thought repulses me. If we were reconcilling, and I felt truly loved, I think the desire for a quickie would come back.
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
It seems the more H is "focused" on us the closer I feel to him, the more I want to be with him. He problem is that it can't turn into all just sex episodes. We have to have the passionate times mixed in or else I just want or crave the love making.
In short the more loved I feel, the more adventurous I feel.