Advice I read elsewhere that might be helpful: Talk TO each other instead of talk about 'THE' relationship 'THE' marriage or 'THE' reconciliation, since some couples talk about 'THE marriage' as if it is a thing apart from both of you.
State what you want, bottom-line. Example: "WS, if you have any compassion at all, you will not put me through trying a reconciliation if you're not truly sincere and are only doing this to keep your options open just in case you need a fallback. If that's all this is, making me a half-hearted Plan B, then I would prefer we not put each other through this.'
I think that all of our rules and stipulations etc mainly get down to this; Figuring out if they are sincere, and not knowing how to ask in a way they might give serious answers instead of a glib 'of course i am.. of course i'm ready for what this means' that they don't truly mean.
Also ask yourself this: Reading a lot of male chat boards, all they talk about is wanting more sex and having more fun and being admired. The guys whining about their marriages on these boards (or why they divorced) don't talk a lot about the other things that make up relationships - just sex and angry that wife made them fall out of love with her and didn't have sex enough or dress up for them enough instead of wear sweatpants at home - and seem angry if a wife has difficulty getting warmed up again sexually, or resentful if the wife is being cautious and not a cheery party girl of fun when getting through a rough patch. So ask him what he expects of reconciliation or how he sees it or what he wants your marriage to be or how different he wants it than it was before.
So also ask yourself if you think that is the only kind of reconciliation he wants - to get more sex, and isn't interested in emotional work, but mainly is trying because he doesn't like burning bridges or cutting off all options, or he's dragging it out to cake-eat longer, or if he really is sincere and has a picture in his head of how the two of you can live together and be a committed couple.
So ask him what he would define as reconciliation, and how your days might be if you were together again - how the mornings or weekends would be, in arranging activities or time? you might have different ideas of what that means. So, talk TO him and ask him.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 1:40 AM, June 10th (Monday)]