I have a group of school friends.. all girls.. itís a group of 4 girls including myself .. lets call them X, Y, EF and Z.
I was friends with Z. X and Y were friends since they were 5 yrs old. I did some extra curricular activities with X and Y. So I started getting along with them really well. They started asking me to join them for various things and Z tagged along with me initially.
X and Y liked me but they din get along well with Z. Everybody was aware of this situation.
Years passed and it so happens that X and Y keep in touch with me a lot. And I keep with touch with Z. (Z is the one whom I confided in with my current situation. She has been very supportive)
So.. I keep in touch with X, Y and Z individually. But whenever there is a group activity X, Y include me and not Z. We just wont share some deteails with Z at all. I just figured well everybody is aware of the situation and I couldnít really force them to be friends with each other. I was always uncomfortable with this whole situation but din really know how to handle it.
Today itself I encountered another situation where X and Y formed a group and included me. Z is not aware of this. I am getting really tired of this. I donít wanna do this anymore. When I look at it, it again feels like A behavior where I am holding onto 2 things.. I donít know maybe I m overthinking or may be not.
I donít wanna hurt anybody but at the same time I donít wanna be in a situation where I have to hide something from my friends ..
Sometime back I had a discussion with IC. It turns out I never really did allow myself to have corrective experiences. I would try to guess who will like what and I will behave accordingly. Its so depressing to even admit this. I am honestly clueless how to handle this.
[This message edited by EmotionalFool at 4:33 AM, June 10th (Monday)]