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Advice : meeting the ow at child's dance recital

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Sarah1106 posted 6/10/2013 06:23 AM


I could use some advice. First, my divorce is final - which provided an unexpected relief. Anyway, this Saturday is our 5 yo daughter's dance recital. Hard as it might be to believe, it is her third recital and always a big deal - flowers, her grandparents travel to see it, we have a little cake afterwards. Last nite at drop off, my xh told me he was bringing his girlfriend (he started an affair w her before we separated, he's a doctor, she's a nurse ten years younger). I have zero desire to meet her (I like being able to answer my 5 and 3 yo when they ask about her - I dont know her, she is daddy's friend but it sounds like she is nice to u and I like that). So, given its been a year, I'm thinking the meeting is going to happen (I could probably come up with some super elaborate way to TRY not to bump into her but it will just happen at the next kids event).

I will control my anger (and I have some good one liners) but I don't know how to be cordial, distant, and just non-engage. Any one face similar issues or have advice. Thanks for listening ...

SeanFLA posted 6/10/2013 09:23 AM

treat her like the checkout girl at the grocery store. Don't be smug. Just business-like polite and you forget about her 30 seconds after you leave the store. You will be proud of yourself for acting that way and so will the grandparents. I guaranty she is just as nervous.

nordicbabe posted 6/10/2013 14:54 PM

Heh. My ex's final OW literally runs from me the few times we've been in the same place. Not kidding. She RUNS like she's going for Olympic gold.

Ashland13 posted 6/10/2013 16:05 PM

I've been trying to hold this very thing off, like tides in the sea. I know it won't be long after the divorce is done and in fact, got a letter from Perv's L saying, "please expedite divorce"'s Perv we're waiting for!

FWIW, one of my neighbors is a fellow BS and OW appears to collect their kids. I find myself peeking out the window when they go by and they know our story and I see them peek at me.

Neighbor Lady doesn't leave her house and said once with a snicker she put the shades down when OW was looking at her garden . OW seems to make herself known and enjoy the negative attention.

NL's way matches my hopes, but takes great strength...ignore, ignore, ignore and she said it feels better when it's over and she has no remorse that way, or feeling of them gloating.

So that would be my advice for Sarah, is if you can't be in another room, then stone-faced, without reaction, would be next.

Ashland13 posted 6/10/2013 16:06 PM

P.S. Thank you, Nordicbabe, for the laugh today.

My one interaction with OW was when she threw Perv under the bus and she tried to bully me. I maintain a very strict NC with that one.

Sarah1106 posted 6/10/2013 20:53 PM

I'd love nothing more to ignore her (and him) but I can totally see my super friendly ( and thankfully clueless) 5 yo dragging me over to meet daddy's friend. Part of it is that I need to get over myself, I have mild social anxiety to begin with and feel like being packed in a room where EVERYONE knows the situation ( no exaggeration, we live in an ultra small town and 10 of the 12 kids in my dd class have a parent who works at the hospital). Well, even though I know anyone in their right mind would look at my x's behavior as poor form - the extra attention just heightens my anxiety. I like the cashier clerk metaphor - cooly polite and forget about her. Reacting in ny way just heightens the drama they seem to enjoy

I'm glad I see my ic (whose daughters r in my dd class-it really is a small town) before the recital

FirstLoveGone posted 6/10/2013 21:03 PM

I was almost in your shoes about a month ago. XH was going to bring wifetress to DD's piano recital. She ended up not coming because their baby was sick.

My plan was to basically ignore her. Perhaps a quick "hello" just to be polite and that's it. She is so not worth worrying about.

You'll do fine. Just remember that you are the lady and DD's mamma. No can take that from you.

tesla posted 6/10/2013 21:57 PM

Out of the last 5 times I've picked up Teslet from ex-shat's place...ex-shat hasn't been I've had to pick my son up from the stripper whore. Suprisingly, she doesn't bother me. She's my son's babysitter, so I treat her with cool politeness...which means I basically ignore her.

homewrecked2011 posted 6/15/2013 17:51 PM

How did the dance recital go?

FlySomeday posted 6/15/2013 18:46 PM

my mantra for this one is "cordial porcupine cordial porcupine" Thats what you have to do!

Sarah1106 posted 6/15/2013 20:57 PM

Thanks for all your advice! All thing considered, it went pretty well. I had my mon and dad there for support ( my dad - gasped when xh walked in with ow and said omg, she looks 12). Anyway, only contact I had with ow was entering the ladies room (she was exiting) I said hi and kept on walking.

My dd did great - I was so, so proud of her...

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