He says she is his soulmate/best friend and lover. not me.
Ouch, if this comes a year after Dday... Sounds like he already knows what he wants but he is too much of coward to pull the trigger...I'm so sorry.
He says he needs to do this to see if he wants to stay with me. I know in my heart that he will go to her
Gently, you have given away your power Babygirl. You have choices here too! You don't have to sit back and wait on his decision... no wonder you are depressed, you are living under a guillotine. As if an A isn't depressing enough, after 30 years... he's not sure? I think this is a case where you have to risk you marriage to have any chance of saving it. (And right now it doesn't sound like you have much of a M to risk.)
Have you consulted a lawyer? I really think you should! Now! There is nothing easy about the path before you, especially after 30 years, but information will help and so will IC. Posting here will help too. You aren't alone!
Please check out the healing library BS FAQ #11 the 180. You need to start focusing on you! And if your kids are older I'd forget the sham of a family vacation. I wouldn't put myself through it. And if you wait and tell the kids (older kids) at the end of the vacation that you are separating... jeez, I'd think they'd feel betrayed, deceived, and resentful, especially under these circumstances. If they are adults - treat them like adults - be honest, they are going to find out anyway.
((((Babygirl)))) You will get through this! We'll help!