My WH works with OW. They unfortunately still work in the same area. We are trying to change this but it is not an easy task. Anyway, the OW has not told her BH about the A. I have said that I was going to contact him because he has the right to know what went on. Secondly, she is still carrying a torch for my H even though he has told her in no uncertain terms that he did not want any contact from her. The NC includes work related issues. He has told her to ask others and not to speak with him. SHe has recently started following him to his gym (he has now changed gyms) and she attempted to strike up conversations with him. My H does not want me to contact the other BH because he fears that other BH will come to work and make a scene or actually attempt to harm him. Other BH is not the most stable with his temper. I think that if other BH knew, he might be able to curtail the contact attempts by the OW.
Not sure what to do here..advice?
The man has a right to know what has happened in his marriage. It will also add another set of eyes to the situation. And,yes,it will help in stopping the OW from trying to contact your WH.
Do not tell your WH that you're going to tell..just do it. Call him so you know you spoke to the right person.
As for the OBH coming to work and making a scene..well..now Im guessing people at work already know about the affair...so any "scene" would be caused by the affair happening in the first place..not the BH confronting your WH.
Interesting how NOW your WH is worried about his reputation and his safety. NOW that the affair may come out and he will have consequences..but not when he was getting the "rewards" of an affair.
Tell her husband. he deserves to know. Don't tell your WH first,he will warn the OW.
Also..another reason to tell...you only know what your WH is telling you..and he has shown you he is capable of great deception. Telling the OBS is a way of protecting yourself from a false R. It makes the affair that much harder to take underground.
[This message edited by confused615 at 10:03 AM, June 10th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
"Fuck fair!"...SisterMilkshake
I know that the other BH is unstable because I have met him on several occasions. My H and the OW have worked for the same company for several years and we have seen each other at outings. He is not a very nice guy on the best of days.
I agree whole heartedly that the OBS has the right to know about the A. But I would not want to jeopordize anyones safety(including OW). Should I do it Anonymously without using any specific names?
As a side note, my WH has said that if I need to tell OBS he understands and will deal with the consequences.
[This message edited by bizzygirl at 10:16 AM, June 10th (Monday)]
The other person needs to know.
My W had an A with a "co-worker." If I have a regret it is not telling their employer. I would do that too.
take care...
Tell. Your BH said he would deal with the consequences..so let him. if you protect him from ANY of the consequences of his affair,he will not realize the full gravity of what he has done..and may possibly do it again. And,if you don't tell,then in some ways,you are keeping a secret for the OW. You are protecting her from the consequences of her actions.
This woman waged war on your family. She had no concern for you or your children(if you have any). She is still targeting your husband. This is no time to be complacent. OW is being aggressive..you need to act now and stop her.
Doing it anonymously also means he is more likely to disregard it as gossip.
Oh..and YOU are not jeopardizing anyone's safety. You did not have the affair...his wife did...your WH did. You are not responsible for anyone's actions other than your own. Telling the truth is always the right thing to do.
Also,I see this was a PA..that's even more reason to tell him...he needs to be tested for STD's.
[This message edited by confused615 at 10:29 AM, June 10th (Monday)]
Seems to be a good sign that he is willing to accept what he did and the consequences of it.
1. You don't tell. OBH never finds out. Nothing happens. You keep dealing with OW.
2. You tell. OBH is not unstable. Does nothing to your WH. OW becomes history.
3. You tell. OBH is unstable and makes a scene at your WH's work. OW becomes history.
4. You don't tell. OBH finds out. OBH is unstable and comes after you for not telling AND your WH at work.
I am sorry. But chances are the BH will find out some day. If he is truly unstable, then I would want to know exactly when he finds out and be prepared.
But you know what? If he was that unstable, OW would have been afraid to cheat... just saying.
Tell her husband.
You could tell him with a proviso that he does NOT take unlawful action against your FWH and that you have him in hand already.
I agree with the others- if the A started at work then they probably already know anyway.
If it was you who didn't know, would you want the OW's BH to tell you?
He deserves to know the truth. It's the right thing to do.
