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open marriage

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huRtZ413 posted 6/10/2013 13:51 PM

I have really good moments with WH and some so not so good and i brought in the idea of maybe an open marriage not because i had wanted one but to see where my WH stood on it all as i expected the answer was no ! I told him this would be the time to really examine and be honest about what you want now , his response was i knew its truly hard to believe because of what i have done but i only want you and i want to be monogamous ........the whole "i only wan you " is like a knife to the heart but whatever.....have any of you BS had that talk whats your view on it ? what was the response you got?

sisoon posted 6/10/2013 15:00 PM

Suppose your H thought that you wanted an open M and said 'OK' as a way of pleasing you. Then where would you have been?

Honesty is crucial in M, and it's crucial in R.

If you don't say what you mean, you're likely to get burned.

KeepCalm_CarryOn posted 6/10/2013 15:50 PM

I never would have this conversation, like sisoon said, what if he has said yes? How would you have gone forward from there? Too much like playing with fire for me! An open marriage is never an option in my book, so I wouldn't even bring it up.

huRtZ413 posted 6/10/2013 15:54 PM

i suppose your right thankfully its not what he wants , because then i guess thats a whole new set of issues that i couldnt live with .....but i guess i put it out there because well our WS got as far as sex with OP so yeahhhh idk ..just thought id pick his brain i do that alot

1Faith posted 6/10/2013 16:02 PM

IMO, I could never bring it up because I could never live that way. The A is bad enough to have to deal with. The thought of granting permission to allow it to happen? Why?

What would you have done if he said yes?

If your boundary is no other people and you are trying to recover from the A - this question confuses me. Perhaps it did you H too.

Good luck.

TrustGone posted 6/10/2013 16:13 PM

After I filed for D from XWH#1, I found a membership card to a club that was known for swapping, open marriages, etc..hidden with some of his porn. He had asked me earlier on in our marriage what I thought about that, but I let him know I was monogamous. If I wanted to be that way then I wouldn't be married. He never brought it up again, but the card membership made me wonder what else he had been up to besides his drunken ONS's over the years. Be very careful asking these types of questions if you really don't want to know the answer. If he says he only wants you, then try to build on that, not a mixed up situation. I have never known anyone in these type of relationships that it worked out well for. Someone almost always gets hurt.

ReunitePangea posted 6/10/2013 16:42 PM

I have an open marriage but still was betrayed. If you think an open marriage solves the problem that caused the A that is a false assumption. An open marriage is just a marriage with different boundaries but they are boundaries all the same and boundaries can be broken.

FeelingSoMuch posted 6/10/2013 17:37 PM

To play devil's advocate here, there's always the possibility that while he's OK with himself sleeping around, he'd be crushed if you did.

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