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Newest Member: Invisiblesoul (61783)

User Topic: What to tell family members?
♀ 38495
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a year since d-day for me and I just found out the other day that my husband met with his ap!
Of course- dealbreaker for me and time to get my attorney on board.

The only person who I told about my wh's affair was my best friend. My husband and I have been together for over 32 years. His family loves me-some more than him! And my parents adored him as well. Last night I finally told my parents the truth! No details- just the truth! I mean everyone deserves the truth!!

When I told my husband- he was outraged!! I guess he thought I should've gave them some bs story about us growing apart instead of my husband is a liar and a cheat! I mean really! Shouldn't he have thought about his family man imagine being blown from the start?

I plan on telling his family this " I discovered that Brian was having an affair over a year ago and I
gave him every imagineable chance to keep our family together but he wouldn't stop seeing her!"

What do you think?

Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds entirely kind & reasonable to me. It's honest, it gives enough detail without being salacious, and it prevents any misunderstandings or silly conversations in which the other party tries to convince you you've made a mistake.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 36599
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation is similar to yours. 32 years together. Love his family. Kept it secret on DD#1 but on DD#2told him to tell his parents. He told them,
"I made a mistake. FQ gave me a second chance and I made another mistake."
Not quite what I had expected him to tell them. I let them know what his mistake entailed. He was furious.

What you are planning on saying is more than generous and much less than what I told my in-laws.

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.

Posts: 468 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 2027
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Tell the truth. Because he will likely tell his version of lies/justifications of why he "had" to cheat.

*I survived Infidelity*

Posts: 8373 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, just tell the truth. I told the truth. My STBXWW told people we weren't happy together for a long time and grew apart. I laugh every time I say and read that now. I told her she can tell people whatever she wants but if they ask me anything they will get the complete truth from me. Funny how they want to keep those images squeaky clean after the fact.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2211 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The truth is the only way...and can be remembered.

Truth has nothing to hide.

Lies make messes...and messes...and more drama and messes. Then it becomes "he said, she said" and a losing battle.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are being truthful and actually quite kind, although he'll never see it that way.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 36456
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your relationship with them may change. Blood is usually thicker than water in these situations. But the truth is the most important weapon any of us ever have.

My H didn't tell his family that he left us for 2 months. I had to threaten to tell them myself. He gave them the same sad story he gave his friends: "She's evil, controlling, a bitch. We haven't been happy in years. OW4 is my soulmate." All news to me. Now that we're back together, he's had to backtrack on his lies and tell the truth.

There's a reason for the saying "The truth will set you free." Lying just makes a bad situation worse.

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your explanation is perfect. Short, to the point. And it's the TRUTH. You aren't being judgmental, you're just stating the facts. That's gracious and totally above board. It's kind of amazing how cheating spouses are so proud of their AP but, when the truth comes forth, they don't like the truth being told.

D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 9

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