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Having a really hard day toay

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crushedsoul27 posted 6/10/2013 18:00 PM

I've been doing much better for the last couple of weeks until today the flood gates have opened again and I can't stop crying! It's been 5 mo now since I discovered my husbands EA. I have been trying really hard implementing the 180 and have not talked to him every day which has been a huge step for me. He said today that he thinks about me all of the time and he can't imagine his future without me. Those things all sound promising expect one really major problem he has not ended his communication with her and doesn't seem to be willing to either. Says he doesn't know what's wrong with him and that I was as close to a perfect wife there ever could be and that his unhappiness has nothing to do with me. I told him that I didn't see how he could ever expect to clear his head and work on himself if he wasn't willing to stop communicating with her. She is also married and evidently she is going to be separating from her husband as well but, my husband tells me what she is doing has nothing to do with his decisions. He says he loves me very much and cried saying he is so sorry. I just don't know how much longer I can hang on waiting for him to "figure" it out without starting to lose my own self respect that I'm allowing him to be a cake eater. I do love him so much and know that I am more than willing to reconcile but at what point do I just tell myself he doesn't want me anymore and just file for divorce. The other side of me thinks, your on your own away from him, he is paying ALL of your expenses, you can do what you want, when you want, with who you want so ride this for a few more months and then just file for divorce if he can't grow the balls to make the big decision without keeping my heart stringing along. He is getting back into his IC and I'm doing IC so I'm going to try to let him get several sessions in but wonder how similar any of your stories are that have had to make this decision or are battling with what to do as well. He has taken full ownership of everything. My hardest emotion is that he never gave us a chance to fight for our marriage when he says he started feeling unhappy and I think that was just so selfish of him but, of course all cheaters are really selfish. I wish for one day he could feel MY pain and I wish on the OW everyday that this happens to her one day! sorry ass POS, homewrecker....ughhhh!

allfalldown posted 6/10/2013 18:12 PM


I am in the same boat. My WH is not letting go of the OW either. They helped each other through a hard time and are so bonded. I wish I could move out or ask him to leave and 180 him hard. I can't financially but I am trying to change that. He knows I am stuck for now and my children need a roof over their heads and food on the table. I cry every day. I'm so glad you are going to IC. That is helping me too. I don't give the OW any of my energy. She is not worth it!

crushedsoul27 posted 6/10/2013 18:23 PM

allfalldown, what does he tell you? Does he say he doesn't know what he wants, it's not about her? etc... I wish for your sake you could move out too! I can't imagine how much more of a wreck I would be if I was still living under the same roof. He did not want me to move and but, I told him if I stayed NOTHING would change he would just try to act like nothing happened and try to live life as normal. Well HELL no, I'm not going for that and I knew living together as much as I think about this damn affair I couldn't quit asking him questions and I kept exploding and going "crazy" which not like me at all! I'm a gentle soul always caring for others and he brought something out of me I have never seen before and I don't like it at all! I hate so much your "stuck". Luckily our D is grown and married so I don't have a child to worry about. I work for the airlines so I'm trying to get away as much as possible on the weekends to keep myself busy. I'd like to focus on the areas of my life that are not in turmoil but when this is all you've known for the last 27 years it's hard to let go.

allfalldown posted 6/10/2013 18:34 PM

I have seen the dark side of myself now too and she is a scary girl. He just says that he is working on it. I decided to go to IC and work on me. I may or may not be here when he gets his head out of his ass. The kids keep me so busy with not being in school. I don't pretend. We just do our own thing and I surround myself with friends. Glad you have the freedom to figure things out on your own. I am just trying to live...but getting out of bed and breathing are hard most days.

Marley76 posted 6/10/2013 23:32 PM

I feel this pain. It is hard to breathe and to move. An out of body experience. I am going to be living in this house with him trying to make nice for the kids sake for the next month. I'm so angry that I want to vomit. This is a reality I never wanted to know. Be strong my new friends. We will survive this.

Lovedyoumore posted 6/11/2013 13:52 PM

Sorry for your pain in this. I too found an EA that he swore was just a friend/work thing. He promised to curtail it and I trusted and believed him. Stupid me. When he told her it was going to be only business communication, she shows up all teary at his office, cries that he is her best friend and cannot live just being business associates. He said OK to still being friends, but I could not know. As soon as he agreed to take it underground she knew she had him ripe for a PA. In 6 weeks she had him in her bed for a 3 month PA.

This OW in your life may be playing your H right into her hands. I just wish I had bitched up, not trusted them to do the right thing, and put an immediate stop to it. Or, he would have been out on his butt.

Jrazz posted 6/11/2013 13:56 PM


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