We are only just over 4 months since D day. Sex pretty much stopped right away. He was disgusted by me. I didn't want him (still in thoughts of AP).
Baby steps we finally french kissed. Our dog was run over by a car 1 1/2 months after D-day.
We did console each other and had sex that weekend and the next. I wasn't comfortable after the second time (AP in my head) It's like I have read here, I can't be in R if the there is still contact in my thoughts. I have worked thru a lot in IC and a talk with my sister finally got thru to me. I spent time thinking of AP, wrote out the pros and cons of actualy being with him and realized the only pros were the fantasy ones, the sex, the sweet talk, the emotional connection. It was an addiction, an escape, even in my thoughts. Remembering him is painful becuz I miss him and I remember the wonderful feelings with him. But that was not real.
I realize that my BH has the qualities I want in his Pros section. We may have differences, but for what really matters most, He and I are on the same page.
Sex has happened once more recently, thats the 3rd time since d-day. We are taking it slowly. But I do hear of others having HB, (lots of sex??) but that has NOT happened with us.
Now that my thoughts are focused on myself, my BH and my kids, things are getting better I think. Baby steps.
Reading books has helped also. I hope he has been to IC.
FWH says he just doesn't feel as 'sexual' as he did. REALLY? My physical needs were neglected because of his A for over a year-we rarely had sex during the A. Prior to the A, our sex life was pretty damn good.
I think I almost feel the same as your BH. I don't know why. our sex life was amazing years ago. It went south before any EA's started. But we still had sex at least every saturday night. Notvery spontanious.
I need to work thru these feelings in my IC.
I am sorry for your situation and hope it improves.
I agree with Sadallthetime, you should tell him what you need from him. My BH hasnt done this but we are both taking our time.He is not pushing me.