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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: I know this is a generalization... But...
♀ 21299
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... My experience is that men in their 40s are pretty much screwed up as a whole. Now, I'm sure this can be said about women in their 40s too... I just never dated them (and, yes, much of my earlier 40s really sucked!). My theory is that the 40s may be a low point on the happiness scale if life. Warning: Generalizations ahead!

Is the mid-life crisis real? I dated for about 5 years and that 40s age group is just so darned confused! Unhappy with their lives as a whole. The M ones seem unhappy in their marriages. So many couples I know in their 40s are struggling... affairs, depression, divorce. The single ones seem to go for the young and "hot" ones... They seem so overly-concerned with impressions. Maybe its their last grasp at youth? The 40s guys I dated were all killing their bodies running marathons they never ran before... bikes, toys, gym, etc... They all seemed to be grasping for ... something. They never seemed satisfied dating me; they were always looking around the corner for something better. I don't know but I am 49, and I never had luck with guys in their 40s. The few relationships that worked were with guys in their mid-50s (including my awesome 50+ SO)

Am I alone in thinking this? I swear everywhere I turn: my friends husbands, my brother-in-law, my brother, everyone I dated in their 40s.... Just messed up. 50s guys seem to have accepted their lot in life and just seem so much... Happier!

[This message edited by HappilyUnMarried at 10:09 PM, June 10th (Monday)]

True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Oct 2008
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah; we did a lot better in our 40's than we did in our 50's. That's not to say that I'm not totally happy now, but in my 40's I started to figure a lot of things out. Due to the nature of the X's profession, he was planning his retirement in his 40's and we were going to move up into the mountains, build a log cabin (well, that was my fantasy ) and kick back. DS was growing up and growing into a fine young man. Life was good.

But you are talking about singles in their 40's so perhaps that's the crux of the situation. I know a lot of people freak out about 40; it was never an issue for me.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO these people (men and women) have always been fuckups. Its just that there's usually so much more to damage by the time you are 40 (marriage, family, kids, career).

Notwithstanding my tag line I don't believe MLC causes affairs. I believe it is one of the straws on the camels back.

They have worn the mask for so long they cannot live without it but at the same time they are not as good as keeping it on as they used to be. Either that or we start seeing more clearly the longer we are with them.

I know lots of good men in their 40s. Happily married, devoted to their wives and families. They are all going through OR have survived the hard times of young family life together.

I never did have a shit show in hell of surviving even the easiest of hard times with that guy. I've always known it.

Hope is a devil of a thing.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6017 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♂ 33663
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just thinking the same thing about woman!
Only kidding!!!! Many of your observations are not far off! I'm not sure what they are all running from?!? I spent my whole life turning into me...I like me

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
♂ 15162
Member # 15162
Red  Posted: 11:06 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Your title makes it hard to not need this flag. Please refer to Guideline #8 and post accordingly:

GENERAL STATEMENTS: Please refrain from making statements that generalize gender, WS/OP/BS, race, religion or political alignment. Also do not presume to speak on behalf of other people.

FBH - 46
FWW - 47 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 11 & 16

The people you do your life with shape the life you live

Posts: 47353 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
♀ 7767
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that my 40s really sucked.

I unexpectedly became a grandmother at the age of 41,

Both my sons moved away from home - one with his pregnant gf, the other to college,

Oldest son got married to the mother of his son,

My mother started sinking into dementia and poor health and had to be put in an Assisted Living facility,

My XWH had a MLC A and filed for D,

I moved 3 times in 3 years after the D,

I had a horrible rebound relationship that inflicted even more damage, and

my mother passed away.

I wouldn't re-live that decade for a million bucks.

My 50s are shaping up to be really wonderful and I'm going to enjoy every moment. Plus I'm dating someone who is 65 and he is totally over all the BS of "finding himself" etc.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 8265 | Registered: Aug 2005
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 40's rocked.

My 50's?

Not so much.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09

Posts: 21378 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems more a cultural thing than an age thing. I’m almost 30 and everyone I know is going back to school, looking to start a new career, conquering fitness goals, changing their look, acquiring gadgets…there is always something. Perhaps the shared joys of facebook are creating a culture of discontent. Keeping up with the Joneses gone global. What can you show the world to make you relevant? Not to say that goals and self improvement are bad, but oh if we could just be content.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think with men a lot of it has to do with the fact that they do realize that they will not realistically reach many of the goals they thought they would by that age. So suddenly you're trying to do something about it. You dream of being successful and wealthy (many men do) and instead you get hit with bills, problems with children you never thought would happen and even infidelity (in my case). By your 50's you've learned to accept it and things settle down. I can tell you my 40's have not been pleasant. I lost my father, almost my mother immediately after, much of my business due to the economy, my spouse because of infidelity, my home that I built and half my time with my son. Yeah I think I have a right to be a bit miserable from time to time and want to make myself feel better! LOL

Many of the things you see men doing are yes in fact grasping at straws at our younger years in a way. Mostly those years with less deadlines and commitments (Bob Seager - Against the Wind?). But also much of it is because we now have the earning power to buy some of these things we couldn't buy in our 20's (like second sports car!). But I know that isn't much different than women getting breast jobs and other ways trying to find the means to appear younger (Botox, etc). I think the pendulum swings both ways. I believe women tend to cry about it more inside whereas men tend to express it externally with purchases, marathons and sometimes chasing younger women. I myself am not interested in a younger woman so much at my age. They carry different baggage I don't want to deal with. Not to sound cruel, but my son has reached his teenage years and I like that. He's more independent. Young children are HUGE need machines. I'm not interested in a woman in her 30's with a two-year old. BTDT. I feel like I'm finally getting much of my freedom back as an adult to do things myself and with him. For instance he and I are leaving Thursday for a two week fly fishing trip. Something I've been waiting to do with him for 13 years since he was born! He's now old enough to lug his own gear, dress himself and fish in the same water without me having to clutch him 80% of the time. My two cents.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 12:10 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

BS(me) 50
WW 49
1 son 17 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
♀ 22033
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read recently an article about women's happiness and that women tend to be the most unhappy in their 40s. Hormones, life changes (empty nest for some), etc... can affect women's happiness.

I wouldn't be surprised if the same rang true for men in their 40s...but maybe for different reasons.

BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2008
Topic Posts: 10

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