Is the mid-life crisis real? I dated for about 5 years and that 40s age group is just so darned confused! Unhappy with their lives as a whole. The M ones seem unhappy in their marriages. So many couples I know in their 40s are struggling... affairs, depression, divorce. The single ones seem to go for the young and "hot" ones... They seem so overly-concerned with impressions. Maybe its their last grasp at youth? The 40s guys I dated were all killing their bodies running marathons they never ran before... bikes, toys, gym, etc... They all seemed to be grasping for ... something. They never seemed satisfied dating me; they were always looking around the corner for something better. I don't know but I am 49, and I never had luck with guys in their 40s. The few relationships that worked were with guys in their mid-50s (including my awesome 50+ SO)
Am I alone in thinking this? I swear everywhere I turn: my friends husbands, my brother-in-law, my brother, everyone I dated in their 40s.... Just messed up. 50s guys seem to have accepted their lot in life and just seem so much... Happier!
[This message edited by HappilyUnMarried at 10:09 PM, June 10th (Monday)]
But you are talking about singles in their 40's so perhaps that's the crux of the situation. I know a lot of people freak out about 40; it was never an issue for me.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Notwithstanding my tag line I don't believe MLC causes affairs. I believe it is one of the straws on the camels back.
They have worn the mask for so long they cannot live without it but at the same time they are not as good as keeping it on as they used to be. Either that or we start seeing more clearly the longer we are with them.
I know lots of good men in their 40s. Happily married, devoted to their wives and families. They are all going through OR have survived the hard times of young family life together.
I never did have a shit show in hell of surviving even the easiest of hard times with that guy. I've always known it.
Hope is a devil of a thing.
Your title makes it hard to not need this flag. Please refer to Guideline #8 and post accordingly:
GENERAL STATEMENTS: Please refrain from making statements that generalize gender, WS/OP/BS, race, religion or political alignment. Also do not presume to speak on behalf of other people.
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
I unexpectedly became a grandmother at the age of 41,
Both my sons moved away from home - one with his pregnant gf, the other to college,
Oldest son got married to the mother of his son,
My mother started sinking into dementia and poor health and had to be put in an Assisted Living facility,
My XWH had a MLC A and filed for D,
I moved 3 times in 3 years after the D,
I had a horrible rebound relationship that inflicted even more damage, and
my mother passed away.
I wouldn't re-live that decade for a million bucks.
My 50s are shaping up to be really wonderful and I'm going to enjoy every moment. Plus I'm dating someone who is 65 and he is totally over all the BS of "finding himself" etc.
Not so much.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 33 - Yikes!
Many of the things you see men doing are yes in fact grasping at straws at our younger years in a way. Mostly those years with less deadlines and commitments (Bob Seager - Against the Wind?). But also much of it is because we now have the earning power to buy some of these things we couldn't buy in our 20's (like second sports car!). But I know that isn't much different than women getting breast jobs and other ways trying to find the means to appear younger (Botox, etc). I think the pendulum swings both ways. I believe women tend to cry about it more inside whereas men tend to express it externally with purchases, marathons and sometimes chasing younger women. I myself am not interested in a younger woman so much at my age. They carry different baggage I don't want to deal with. Not to sound cruel, but my son has reached his teenage years and I like that. He's more independent. Young children are HUGE need machines. I'm not interested in a woman in her 30's with a two-year old. BTDT. I feel like I'm finally getting much of my freedom back as an adult to do things myself and with him. For instance he and I are leaving Thursday for a two week fly fishing trip. Something I've been waiting to do with him for 13 years since he was born! He's now old enough to lug his own gear, dress himself and fish in the same water without me having to clutch him 80% of the time. My two cents.
[This message edited by SeanFLA at 12:10 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
I wouldn't be surprised if the same rang true for men in their 40s...but maybe for different reasons.