SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

heavyheart1 posted 6/11/2013 01:55 AM

Ugh. So just back from M.C and feeling awful. This is a new counselor we just started seeing after moving, and the past few sessions had been sorted of centered around better distributing house chores, etc. helpful, I guess, but not really getting into it. I attempted to take us away from the day-to-day, and when asked how those things are going I replied that it was good but not helping was the hurt and built up resentments. I then got singled out and asked to come alone next time. So here I am, still licking my wounds post-A and feeling like I'm wrong to still be do hurt and feeling blamed for the current state of things. Maybe I just didn't have enough insecurities post-A. Problem solved.

MrsDoubtfire posted 6/11/2013 04:52 AM

We told the MC that the A was the main issue right then and nothing else mattered ( chores? WTH???).

Our MC was well versed in infidelity and explained that until we had resolved every issue surrounding FWH's A then nothing else mattered.

We spent months focused on his A and the fallout.

If your MC is more comfortable talking about chore allocation they may not have a lot if experience or insight into this field. Trust me. If you don't have a great MC then it will take longer to resolve your resentments etc.

Maybe go alone and explain this to the MC and ask them to focus on the elephant in the room and not the dust circles surrounding it as you can dust once the elephant's dealt with and not before as that dust will just keep swirling around all the while that elephant is there

Skan posted 6/11/2013 15:34 PM

Yeah, I think that I would have a private "come to Jesus" meeting with MC and get it utterly straightened out that unless they are competant enough to address the fact that what's going on here isn't a chore division, but the nuclear explosion of adultry, that he would be fired. Chores? Oh yeah, like one of you being ASSIGNED to take out the trash is going to ensure that everyone is going to remember to keep their pants on! Sheesh!

Rebreather posted 6/11/2013 16:11 PM

Take it as a good sign. Go alone, ASAP, and lay out why you feel the MC is off base. Not every counselor knows squat about how to recover from infidelity. Tell them you don't need to talk about the freaking chores, you need to talk about having your heart ripped out and stomped all over. If they can't provide that, then move on. Are you in IC?

vistainc posted 6/11/2013 20:04 PM

Sounds like my 1st MC. We are on our second and he hasn't addressed anything but the affair. Of course I had a nice long talk with him before I even made our first appointment and told him what I was not willing to put up with from him. Seems to be working so far.

heavyheart1 posted 6/12/2013 01:22 AM

Thanks for the support and feedback everyone. Needless to say, I was pretty upset yesterday this helped a lot. I was in IC until recently (doc had some medical issues, and we just never rescheduled sort of thing) and I take a women's art therapy class weekly. This just set me off my rocker bc I felt blamed and that something was wrong with me bc I can't seem to get by the hurt and mistrust the A has caused. I scheduled a solo session next week, so we'll see how that goes. Clearly, there's a lot she does t know about our situation, and if she can't handle it there's gotta be someone who can. Thanks again for the support.