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She11ybeanz posted 6/11/2013 08:37 AM

So...OLD guy gave me his phone number and said I could text him (after I had said that I wanted to get to know him better before meeting him). I'm a little apprehensive about this because the last guy I gave my phone number to (who BTW talked to me more beforehand than this guy) started sending half naked pics of himself in his bathroom mirror in less than a few hours of texting me the 1st time and then asked if I wouldn't mind if he came over (at like 11pm at night!!!) ....

Needless to say...he was shot down.... like a Turkey on Thanksgiving morning!

BUT.... IDK what to do. How is texting any more personal than emailing? Its almost less to me IMO...cause I can't text as much as I can email.... UGH.... I'm thinking I just need to move on. He might be a nice guy....but I'm a little nervous about more "one-word" texts from basically a stranger... cute or not.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:37 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

Amazonia posted 6/11/2013 08:50 AM

How is texting any more personal than emailing?

For some people, texting is like carrying on an immediate conversation. More back and forth on a single topic, rather than a lengthy (and sometimes overwhelming) email that takes a long time to compose. It's much more casual.

Is this someone you are interested in continuing to get to know, based on his profile and your previous interactions with him?

If so, I would encourage you to text him and say hi, and see if he takes the lead on the conversation. Or ask if you can call him to chat if you're more comfortable with that.

If not, tell him you don't usually text much or let it go.

She11ybeanz posted 6/11/2013 09:22 AM

Okay.... I will try this again. I just sent him a text saying HI... I guess we shall see what happens!!!

MyVoice posted 6/11/2013 09:58 AM

Me thinks you like his pretty face

She11ybeanz posted 6/11/2013 10:24 AM

Okay....I won't lie....he is pretty...so it makes my curiosity and tolerance a little higher...

But, the 1st sign of true DOUCHEBAGGERY and I'm so outta there!!!

hummingbird8 posted 6/11/2013 10:45 AM

There has already been signs of this. You seem to put up with a lot because of how cute someone is. Don't get me wrong I have put up with a lot once I'm in a relationship but I have found the beginning is when he should be on his best behavior. He should be going out of his way instead of the opposite. If you give in too much now it probably won't have a good ending. There is no reason he couldn't have emailed longer he just didn't want to. Didn't make the effort to even try by email. If he won't make an effort now, he never will. Good luck!

sparkysable posted 6/11/2013 11:07 AM

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/tips-for-avoiding-text-internet-other-lazy-communication-based-relationships/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/crumb-communications-if-they-havent-got-time-to-pick-up-the-phone-they-havent-got-time-for-a-relationship/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-you-should-be-wary-of-any-man-that-is-reliant-on-text-messaging-email-and-instant-messenger/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/raising-your-dating-standards-why-you-shouldnt-be-ok-with-lazy-communication-via-text-email-etc/

osxgirl posted 6/11/2013 12:03 PM

Ok - I'll give a somewhat different view on this.

DH and I met through OLD a few years after my D. He wanted to meet right way - I wanted to know more about him before we decided to meet. I'd had a wide range of experiences with OLD, and wanted to have more information before we met to try and match up with the reality once we did meet... looking for ways to "test" how honest he was.

I was putting a kind of high bar on getting past the on-line chat to meeting in person, because I saw the kind of guys I was meeting when I jumped right into the first in-person meet. Nothing too bad, nothing dangerous - but enough "off" behavior that I started getting concerned about it. In fact, when I started talking to DH, I had all but given up OLD... I almost didn't contact him back, and really hadn't planned on trying to start any relationships right then.

now-DH started to push to meet pretty quickly after we started communication on-line. He was understanding when I put him off, but he did keep pushing some to meet too. I would write long e-mails with lots of questions. He would write back short e-mails which did answer the questions I asked, but which tended to be very short answers that didn't go into much detail. He might ask a few things back of me, but not much.

Honestly, I'm still surprised sometimes that I actually went forward with meeting him. There was something there in even those short answers, I guess. Also, I was impressed that he DID persist. If figured if he was one of the ones looking to do anything weird, he would just move on rather than put in the time with me.

In talking about it all later, I got his side of it. He was pushing to meet more quickly because he'd had WAY too many experiences with women who said they wanted a relationship, only to find that either they weren't ready, or weren't over someone else, or there was no chemistry on one side or the other once they finally met. He had decided it wasn't worth weeks/months of time just to have it be a complete non-starter at the first meeting.

And as far as the really short answers/not really giving much back in the e-mail exchange? He ended up telling me that he had been somewhat intimidated by how much I could write back to him so quickly. He is not a very good typist, and has no patience for sitting and typing out long prose the way I can (confirmed by this message, I'm sure!) He has no trouble communicating, and we talk a lot about everything - did pretty much from the first time we met. But it took him a LOT longer than it did me to type things out, and it was just something he isn't very good at.

I'm not saying to not pay attention to things that are "flags" for you. But for a lot of these things, there's more than one explanation. And it really is difficult to tell about a person without meeting in person first.

Take it for what it's worth. There's no good answer to it. You just kind of have to go with your gut, and make sure as you go along that you do the "girlfriend test". (That's where you ask yourself what advice you would give a girlfriend if she were in your situation. And you answer it honestly.)

ETA: I should have added in there that some people are not "phone conversation" people. I'm one of them. Of course, I don't do texts either. My point is that he might just not be willing to invest much until you meet in person - much like my DH wasn't.

[This message edited by osxgirl at 12:05 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

She11ybeanz posted 6/11/2013 12:42 PM

Good point osxgirl....

I'm actually not really a phone conversation girl either usually.....I mean..I will talk on the phone...but I prefer texting or in person. I'm like you...a very fast typist....so writing emails is a snap for me....so that makes sense.

I will see how things go. I'm not against meeting him in person once and seeing if there is anything there when we actually CAN talk face to face and really get to know each other. I've gone on many 1st and only dates so its not something I'm opposed to doing..... cause I do plan on being picky. I have to now.

InnerLight posted 6/11/2013 14:32 PM

So far my main impression with this guy is that he is lazy and wants you to do most of the work. I hope for your sake he proves me wrong.