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Wanting to be single

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Amberdawn posted 6/11/2013 09:57 AM

I don't want to divorce, for lots of reasons. But, I'm not in love with my WH. I have found myself being attracted to other men and wanting to be single. My WH is trying very hard, I'm just not sure if it's too late. I'm worried that I won't be happy again. There is one particular guy who is showing a lot of interest in me. I know it's wrong and I won't act on it, but I really like him and I like the attention from someone new. We are in MC. I need some advice.

gonogo1 posted 6/11/2013 10:05 AM

Either leave the M and date this guy or go NC with him , you are about to fall down the rabbit hole . STOP
There is no TRY there is DO. You are either in the M 100% or you are not . Boundaries .No confused messages.
My 2 cents worth !

loveisareddress posted 6/11/2013 10:06 AM

There is one particular guy who is showing a lot of interest in me. I know it's wrong and I won't act on it, but I really like him and I like the attention from someone new.

This is how it all starts.

How has he had so much opportunity to show his "interest" in you?

Does he know you're married?

Don't go there.

You won't respect yourself in the morning.

TXBW68 posted 6/11/2013 10:11 AM

My apologies for not knowing your story...But IMO you should not put yourself in a position to have guys hit on you right now.

From your registration date, you are very new to this mess. You need to focus on your marriage for now - no matter which way it turns out. That's enough to deal with without dragging an innocent bystander into the chaos. In the early stages it is very easy to say FTG and start looking. Hell, that's basically what he did, right? But do you really want to compromise yourself like that?

Go read the Madhatters threads. There are lots of people there that will tell you that 2 wrongs do not make a right.

Either divorce your husband and date freely after the papers are signed or stay committed to your husband and work on your marriage. Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Didn't you expect that same courtesy from your WH prior to his A? Do you want to be like him?

Amberdawn posted 6/11/2013 10:15 AM

I know I can't go there. I hate myself for even thinking it. Yes, he knows I'm married. He is not married, but he would not act on it because he knows that I am. It's really just a matter of him saying nice things to me. He's not someone I see often and I've cut off communication with him. It just made me think that maybe I would be happier being single. Maybe my H isn't the right person for me. How could he be unfaithful to me twice, if he was the right person? One was a PA 11 years ago and one a texting relationship 9 months ago.

seamonkeydo posted 6/11/2013 10:31 AM

I have gone through similar feelings as well.

I was just so hurt by my WH's A that it was calming to be attracted to another guy. He was just eye candy, but it was oddly calming. I think because there was no pain attached to it. Being able to find this neutral almost happiness inside me was reassuring to myself that I was still me.

For me these feelings helped me to see that I still did love my husband deep down and that I just needed a little more strength to get past all the hurt and pain he caused me. In my experience happiness comes in waves and you just need to decide if your going to ride it for as long as it lasts or let it pass by.

I wish you luck in whatever your decision ends of being. Mine was my H

FeelingSoMuch posted 6/11/2013 21:20 PM

One way to handle your situation is to do nothing for a while. Don't commit to either guy in any way, that means don't do anything to even suggest and EA with this new guy, but don't do anything to lose either one.

Take time to decide which way to go and commit to only path.

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